The Pen is Stronger

Nausea

2012-02-01T15:58:00.000+08:00

Academic writing makes me nauseated. You cannot write as you please. There are rules and guidelines to adhere to. And what's worse? You need to write because you do not wish to play a fool when it comes to your GPA.

Nauseated. Wondering how can you finish it and pass ~~with flying colours~~. Actually, I think I am done. Wrote the conclusion of my paper last night. But the story doesn't end there.

What's even worse? Referencing.

Vomiting now.

Goodbye to Kitty

2012-01-19T18:23:00.001+08:00

The kitten I rescued that followed me home two nights ago had to leave lest she starve to death as my house mates and I are returning to our respective homes for Chinese New Year. No one will be in for at least four days. No choice but to say goodbye to the little cat. By the way, I named her Pandai.

I never felt more like a new father before; throughout Pandai's stay with me I bathed her twice, fed her more than twice and constantly thought about her. Not sure how to put this in appropriate words but I guess Pandai enjoys my company. She likes to rub her fur on me from time to time, this scares me when I'm unaware of her doing it. She seems to like playing with me too. The lazy afternoon we spent together yesterday was one of my most satisfying activity of the week. However, like any ~~father-child~~ relationship, there were times that called for some disciplining for Pandai's own good; like whenever she starts to scratch the furniture or jump on my books.

Sigh, our meals. I eat out or buy takeaways. For the past two days I never failed to buy some extra fish for Pandai. By the way, not stuff that I would usually pay to eat. And I tend to feel upset when she doesn't eat her food. So this is how parents feel when their children refuse to eat or play with their food, huh? Nevertheless Pandai will always finish her food at her own time.

Lastly, I am most appreciative of Pandai's kindness in excreting her wastes as I hoped, in a place I provided. Took some sand and placed it in the kitchen. She did it! In the sand! That saved me a lot of washing.

Well, it is time to say goodbye to Pandai. I regret not having the time and capacity to look after a cat. And I pray that Pandai will be safe and taken care of. Goodbye.

I Lost Count - Joel Yap

2012-01-18T21:33:00.002+08:00

I lost count 

how long ago your last ‘hi’, 

still unable to accept 

the way you said ‘goodbye’. 

What I feel, after so long- 

does anyone care? 

I lost count 

of the days we had; 

time has a way, of wiping away 

cheerful memories better than the sad. 

I lost count 

how many tear drops fell, 

as the silent nights went by. 

You face in my dreams, vivid, 

that smile- ever so warm; 

thus my heart- always this cold.

I refuse to count 

the days I must go on 

sitting in between memory lanes 

confused: where I am; 

and where to go!

Kitten from the Drain

2012-01-18T08:25:00.002+08:00

One fine evening, Joel decided to go jogging. Actually it was just last night lah. He ran by the main road and train tracks. To think of it now, he shouldn't have done so, inhaled so much carbon monoxide! No wonder he got breathless so easily.

After about 3 or 4 kilometres, he heard some crying nearby. No, it was not The Witch from Left4Dead/Left4Dead2. Well at least Joel thought he heard a cry. But it was the sound of a cat trapped along the drain. Shoot! For a moment he thought he would be famous for saving a baby's life. Anyway Joel couldn't bear to simply ignore his conscience and continue running. He looked down, the kitten was there meowing; he moved to the left, it followed; he moved to the right, it followed too. Ah, what was he to do? Upon much contemplation whilst the kitten continued to cry for help, Joel climbed down the deep and large drain in attempt to rescue the poor thing. That drain- deep enough to hide Joel's shoulders when he set foot at the bottom of it; wide enough for one to cycle without knocking into either sides of the walls if careful.

Surely Joel must have looked stupid to the drivers and passengers of the oncoming cars on that busy road. Mind you, he was in Singapore. Land surface area so small but cars so many! Digress. Joel brought the kitten out of the drain and found difficulty getting himself out instead.

To Joel's surprise, the animal literally followed him back to where he lived! Remember 3 or 4 kilometres? They went all the way back on foot and on paw. The Good Samaritan, with the help of his kind and helpful house mates managed to give the kitten a bath and some food to eat. And it stayed with them for the night.

Phew! Never felt so good about writing about myself.

Foto Friday

2012-01-06T21:04:00.001+08:00

Long time since I last wrote in Chinese!

Here I am to Worship by Tim Hughes.

I'll be leading worship in Mandarin,

for the first time in my life.

Translation available on Worship Central.

To pray

2012-01-04T16:58:00.000+08:00

I have decided to commit myself in prayer for my nation; negara ku- the land where my blood flows.

This commitment will be more serious than my previous ones. A long-term commitment to pray. Because Malaysia needs prayer like never before. I can attempt to tell you why so, but at this point of time I do not wish to sound like a rebel against the ruling government. In fact, I do not want to become a rebel; but instead would love to pray prayers of blessing over both sides of the political divide, regardless of where my support lies personally.

Every citizen has a part to play in nation building. I am merely doing what I can, and I want to do it now. And I want to do what I can do tomorrow, tomorrow. And so forth.

Will register as a voter as soon as I become eligible!

That said, there is so much more to what Malaysia needs other than deciding on who to rule and run the country.

Join me!

雌性猫类

2012-01-02T11:24:00.000+08:00

对你们说不出的话：

“当初为什么会对你们好？
一心想与大家相处，
让大家一起省钱。
同人；毕竟还有彼此之差。
我不完美，很不完美。
但我对你们不善吗？
你们到底不满意什么？
觉得怎样被亏待了？
当初为什么要对你们好？”

对自己必需说的话：

“你忘恩负义，凭什么怪别人忘恩负义？”

所以，无论何事，你们愿意人怎样待你们，你们也要怎样待人，因为这就是律法和先知的道理。

馬太福音 7:12

Foto Friday

2011-12-30T08:58:00.008+08:00

Time to bring down the Christmas tree.

Time to return to mundane daily lives;

and remember to find joy in daily living.

Foto Friday

2011-12-23T03:40:00.000+08:00

Children.

One thing I am envious about them- their innocence.

One thing I can no longer possess.

Frustrations

2011-12-21T20:59:00.001+08:00

One after another, they come! However I think that certain incidents have been the way they had been long before I felt the frustrations toward them. When you are not in the mood, I believe, you would not be able to accept some things that you used to accept before. In other words, your tolerance level drops.

I am frustrated over many things for the past few days. Things happened, followed by more things to happen. It's like all of a sudden the whole world seems to be against you. Besides that, the whole world owes you an apology! I understand that many of the things I feel are not true, and I am going to be alright as soon as I calm down.

Mother noticed that my acne has gotten worse, today as I was driving. The amount of stress and pressure I face is written on my face. Well, hope I get a clearer complexion soon.

Learning. To be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.

Humbled

2011-12-16T20:44:00.001+08:00

By the painful lesson I had to learn. A failure unexpected, thanks to my apathetical behaviour prior to a simple skills assessment.

Yesterday I took the assessment once more, as my second attempt. Praise God, I passed with excellence, not that I want to boast about how good I was; but both the examiner and I agreed that my performance was good. Next, results for another assessment- Human Bioscience practical test, came out today. As announced in the lecture theatre, six students in the lecture group attained perfect scores. That is 30 right answers for 30 questions. The lecturer mentioned that two persons from my tutorial group were among those who achieved perfect scores. One female, one male. Again, I am not boasting, but everyone in the tutorial group, I believe, knew that the male student mentioned was unlikely to be anyone other than myself.

"All thanks and glory to God," was my immediate response that came to mind. I later paused and pondered: where has that cheeky and proud spirit gone to? Usually I would smirk slightly(but secretly) whenever my so-to-say achievements go public. In the past there used to be some form of pride, the kind of "I am better than many of you" attitude. Of course, many of you may not have noticed it since I am such a successful hypocrite.

Today, I received a piece of good news with a different response.
Am grateful. Am proud; and am humbled. I am happy.

Learning humility; knowing God is with me.

Foto Friday

2011-12-16T01:00:00.000+08:00

These are the Oreo boxes I collected over nearly a year.

Now they're all thrown away.

Waking up

2011-12-11T00:38:00.001+08:00

Does your life revolve around schedules and plans? Are you giving your alarm clocks power over yourselves? As for me, setting tomorrow's alarm is practically a must-do daily. At times, a single day may require more than one alarm ringing time.

Whenever I get to rest my head, 'what to do next' and 'at what time' are essentially the questions I am forced to ask myself before really resting.

This sucks. Haha! Hi, Joel. Welcome to Earth.

Well, it's a Saturday night. I go to church tomorrow. Therefore I need to fall asleep in time in order to get adequate rest for the next day; so no drinking tea tonight. Besides that, I have to wake up on time otherwise I would be late and in turn break a promise made to a friend- to meet up at the train station before walking to church; so no alcohol tonight.

Looks like 'what to do next' and 'at what time' control more than just my alarm clock, they also have a say in my diet! Or fluid consumption, for the matter. Welcome to Earth.

Good night, and have a good week ahead. Don't forget to make good use of your alarms and planners, maximise your efficiencies!

Foto Friday

2011-12-09T04:24:00.000+08:00

Have I lost the joy of reaching Your heart,

with the guitar You placed in my hands?

I remember a lot of things;

I now see a lot of detached emotions.

What has happened?

Humility

2011-12-06T00:11:00.000+08:00

Attention: Teaching in progress
The learning topic is as stated in the title above.

Humility is a lesson God is teaching me now, I know it. I also know that it isn't something easy to embrace. But one should practise it nonetheless.

I am good at some of the things I do, within certain social groups in which I possess memberships in. In other words, I am better in certain areas when compared to some of my peers. Not that it made me a snob though. The advantage of being better has its disadvantages as well, ironically. Nobody is perfect, I just happen to be found in a place where many of my peers tend to look up to me, they know who to turn to when in need of sound advice; at least I innocently believe so.

Pride comes before fall. I knew my pride had been given opportunity to grow, thus my guard in turn went down. I knew today that I had become too laid-back. And God needed to allow me some failure lest my character diminishes any further. Now, looking back, I am able to identify a few near misses where I almost fell, in the past. Well, now I know they were lessons to learn. Alas, people don't learn when it doesn't hurt. Those near falls before weren't enough to teach me the lesson of humility, apparently. Thus justifying what happened to me this day.

"I need Thy thunder, O my God; Thy music will not serve Thee," said John Donne.

Sigh, had I listened to the gentle whispers, this failure may not be necessary.

Toys

2011-12-04T00:53:00.001+08:00

A friend of mine was kind enough to remember me when she had free movie tickets. A few of us went to watch the Tintin movie last week.

As Christmas draws near, I want to remember a few friends from back home too. Took the opportunity to do some shopping, conveniently, as we were still waiting for our movie. At that point of time I specifically had a dear boy in mind- an eight-year-old whose improvement in academics was plausible; he even received the Model Student award in his primary school, I found out from the proud grandmother. Very happy for him and had been wanting to give him something since his birthday, which was a few months ago!

What would an eight-year-old boy want? I was eight years old before and I knew where to find his gift.

Stepped into ToysRus for the first time in Singapore. I was told by my friend that I looked like I saw heaven! Or as if Moses stood on Promised Land. The store was huge and full of toys! Fun stuff for almost every age group, especially below 12. You name it, ToysRus has it. At an instance, my senses brought me to where the boys' stuff were. There were figures from Star Wars and Transformers, and of course many other stories as well, but I was concentrating on these two. I felt like a little boy once again, mesmerized by the quantity of the toys and wishing I had most of them. Looking and choosing, looking and choosing. In the end I realised I was there for a boy, not myself. Picked up an Autobot suitable for the kid's age and got out of the ~~Promised Land~~ toy store.

Growing up, I used to play with toys too. Not only that, I remember vividly even talking to some of them! The children's department or toys section must always be visited each time my family went out shopping albeit the fact that many times our trip to the supermarket was for groceries. Shopping meant looking at and sometimes owning new toys. Mom and dad didn't earn big money. We were okay financially but we weren't bathing with milk and using dollar bills as tissue paper. However, as children, how many would be aware of social classes? All children know to do is play together; some are taught to share and take turns whereas some might behave a little ill-mannered. I was a child, like many others, who liked playing and ever open to receiving new play objects.I was a boy who would sometimes pester my parents for the latest Lego or action figures. Unfortunately, or fortunately, most of my wishes weren't granted. Just as life is yesterday, today and forever; on Earth, most of your wishes don't come true, and they shouldn't lest there be chaos all over the world. So, I wanted many things which my family couldn't afford. Nevertheless my sister and I had ample toys to play with, thanks to being born much later than most of our cousins. (Dad is the youngest among ten other siblings!)

Sister and I played with lots of hand-me-downs. But dad and mom would occasionally buy us new toys. I remember crystal clear even till today for wanting a Robocop so badly that I kept asking mommy for it for my tenth birthday. (Tears are building up in my eyes now as I ruminate on this) That wish came through; it felt like the happiest day of my life back then. Now it feels stupid to have wanted a Robocop so much. Haha! Now I find toys practically useless though they were once the greatest treasures. Mommy and daddy didn't have money to splurge on play items that were practically useless, but they still bought us new toys once in a blue moon despite having abundant sources of used ones from our extended family. By the way, I kept asking for so many things from my parents but never paused to think about how they might have felt each time they had to reject my request. Sigh.

Love means sacrifice. Now, having long grown up from being a naughty boy, my eyes are opened. To how much of a rascal I had been as well as how much my parents loved me and love me still. Amazing how feelings are able to mix, not something Rocket Science can explain- I feel bad, yet loved.
Love means giving even though you might never receive anything in return. Parents have no way of making sure how well will they one day be treated by their children, but that cannot stop parents from loving.

I am grateful for having enjoyed a good enough childhood; happy that my parents are still alive and well. This blog post was not meant to make myself or anyone cry like the way I am brought to tears now, just some thoughts as I bought a toy for a little boy.

Foto Friday

2011-12-02T06:32:00.002+08:00

It isn't easy, life isn't easy albeit it was meant to be.

How nice if life was easy!

Decisions are tough to make, no best solution.

How nice if decision making was simple!

Let go. Of sources of dilemma.

Bid goodbye to unnecessary pain.

美丽的星空

2011-11-26T01:52:00.001+08:00

夜了，暗了；我的心却亮了。美丽的星空，你实在太漂亮了。
我巴不得在路边躺下，整晚不睡觉也罢，只求能欣赏你的美！
在我生命最痛苦的一段期间是你的陪伴助了我勉强渡过难关。
若能永远在你看顾之下，我毫无别求！

天啊，请你别让太阳夺走夜晚的美丽！
不要啊! 不要啊!

Teh-O

2011-11-21T23:28:00.001+08:00

A few mornings ago I was afraid of lacking concentration skills for the lectures, thanks to lacking in sleep in the previous night(s). It was a day of multiple lectures, and I am not the kind to sleep during lessons, or distract others, for that matter. Aware of my sleep deficit then, I told myself to turn to some caffeine lest I really dozed off.

Conveniently, I stopped by Gloria Jean's on the way to class, to take away a drink there. Something definitely out of the norm, personally. Browsing through the menu for the first time in my life, I quickly picked something as I felt uneasy being the only customer there because it was still quite early. You can say that I did not wish to let the bartender know I was inexperienced in drinking coffee. So I ordered an espresso, because the name sounded nice. Oh, also because the actors drank it in one of the American TV series I watched and still remember. However, just moments after paying for the espresso I had something else to remember, maybe for the rest of my life! The taste of that drink was horrible! Felt like an idiot for pretending to be over cleverly health-conscious, by attempting to have the espresso without any sugar. For a good few hours, that taste was vivid and causing nausea; albeit having added some sugar to the drink eventually.

Yesterday I tried going to a different cafe. This time to sit down to some lazy afternoon time alone. No more rushing and certainly no classes to attend. I ordered a simple coffee instead, being fearful of another unpleasant experience. And I didn't know if it was a good thing or bad- the coffee, creamer and sugar came seperately. Therefore I took small sips whilst carefully experimenting with the additives. Ordered a slice of chocolate cake with hazelnuts to compensate for the bitter tastes of coffee. Now, I would be dishonest to say I enjoyed the coffee yesterday. Nevertheless I had a good time- reading a book, quitely, in spite of all the noises; that cafe was in a buzy mall on a Sunday evening, and it rained. By the way, the cafe was also kind enough to provide free-flow of cold drinking water! Am grateful for that.

This, I went to the college canteen and bought teh-O. And it was good.

I am really just an ordinary teh-O person. A guy with no such money to splurge on fancy drinks at fancy cafes everyday. Teh-O from a neighbourhood coffee shop, though simple but can be more satisfying to me than all the espressos, latte and expensive teas in the world. Looks like I will not be comfortable living in a higher social class than the one I was born, raised and still am in right now. Why should people struggle so hard just to move up higher? Worse still, why do some people feel ashamed of where they came from; when there is nothing wrong with where they came from?

Society is such that I do not understand. Yet I am just as fallen.

Foto Friday

2011-11-18T07:30:00.000+08:00

By your side I will be,

if you would let me.

If you let me, I will be-

by your side.

Foto Friday

2011-11-11T04:00:00.004+08:00

How shall I describe to you

the feelings that I now possess?

Why should I?

Who am I?

Dare You To Move

2011-11-05T11:16:00.000+08:00

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?

I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor.

Can't say "No"

2011-10-30T20:06:00.000+08:00

"Hey, would you mind covering up for my duty on this day?"
"Was wondering, are you interested in attending this event on this day?"
"Can you come to help so-and-so to do this-and-that please?"

And the list of example requests goes on. I'm sure it would be almost quite impossible if you have never been asked for a favour or some form of help. If you really are an exception, maybe you're the king of the universe or nobody likes you at all.

I took notice of a behaviour of mine lately, that is, agreeing(kind of) to a request and later, back out. To a certain extent I might had been breaking promises albeit not wanting to do so; on the other hand I may not be that bad, just realising that I agreed to do stuff that I cannot(or did not want to) commit to. Isn't it quite a bad habit to say "sorry, no," after saying, "yes" to a person? This is really not the way I wish to live my life, because I simply do not fancy the idea of breaking promises. Had promises to me being broken in the past, I understand and hate the feelings that such unpleasant experiences bring. Thus it is only natural for me to not want to fail in fulfilling my own promises to others. Having said that, why do I still behave like this? Saying "yes" then say "sorry"!

Lacking the wisdom and courage to say, "no" to people?

Wisdom: Discernment in prioritizing between needs and wants. Sorry to say, some people may just be lazy while others might be in real need of help. Besides that, discernment also to look into my capacity to perform the tasks requested; my abilities, internal and external resources.
Courage: To let my "yes" be "yes," whereas my "no," "no".

Really hate it when I make a promise to somebody and then later regret it. Guess I'll just have to consciously and responsibly fulfill promises without chickening out in the last few minutes. Regardless of how my feelings might be, may I add. Or learn to say no.

Short Stay

2011-10-27T20:32:00.004+08:00

I looked into her eyes, over the phone 

and could not bear to answer, “no” 

So the two women in my life 

came in the name of holiday. 

Anxious and frustrated 

as I did not know 

to entertain people; 

For I, myself am a foreigner. 

We went as the wind took us. 

More important was togetherness. 

Then came the time to move on; 

I looked into her eyes, face-to-face 

and could not bear to say goodbye. 

©Joel Yap

Moving Mountains

2011-10-22T15:26:00.001+08:00

"...if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you," said Jesus, in Matthew 17:20.

The other day I just had lunch at Subway with a few college mates, and I requested for mustard sauce in my sandwich rather than the usual- mayonnaise. In case you did not know, I always prefer mayonnaise. "Mayonnaise please," would be my reply almost every time whenever someone gave me a choice between chilli and ketchup. Big deal, so, what? Haha, sorry I couldn't resist talking about mayonnaise. It has been nearly two weeks since I last consumed mayonnaise.

Another thing which I could not resist then, whilst having lunch, was to try to figure out how my sauce was made. I found my answers soon after that day's classes ended. Mustard seeds! If you have not already known, what does a mustard seed look like, you may go ahead and make use of an online search machine; just like how I learnt about making mustard sauce.

Anyway my point in the paragraph above was just to get you to have an idea of the size of a mustard seed. No, you don't have to make me any mustard sauce. Digressing.

Having faith as small as a mustard seed? Did Jesus forgot to mention how much a mustard seed weighs? Or were the mustard seeds much heavier two millennia ago? Notice I already have three questions here, and I haven't even gotten to the part where He talked about moving mountains! Perhaps faith is so strong that the ratio of it, to how much it can achieve is that great. However, wouldn't a mustard seed be too easily blown away by the wind? The ups and downs in life, are stuff that we can never escape from experiencing. Both the earlier and latter are more than capable of shaking faith. I have seen great men fall in their success; yet strong men who give up fighting after losing just a few battles. Is faith as small as a mustard seed enough to withstand the storms life has to offer? Why did Jesus not choose a durian seed or a coconut instead? My suggestions are definitely better than the mustard seed, right?

Perhaps Jesus was trying to show us that the mountains in our way are nothing if we were less faithless. Well, throughout history, God always enjoyed shaming the powerful with the insignificant or the less-qualified. The giant from the Philistines was defeated by a young chap named David. A little pebble was all it took to bring the proud Goliath down. Thus the ratio stands. Little is enough to do much.

Imagine what we can do if we had enough faith. Faith in the right things, the right truth and the right God. Just think about how much we can achieve, had we no need to worry about how to get to our dreams, given the correct motives. Imagine having nothing to hold you back. Imagine youself with no limitations, since God is on your side. You have potential to conquer mountains after mountains, you just need faith as you can take for granted that strength will be provided. Hah! Think about that- faith to believe that strength is provided. Along with the required resources too, for the matter.

Looking at the potential of faith, I must say that we can be very powerful people. Yet why do some of us seem to be living such defeated lives?

Is your mustard seed moving a mountain, or is the mountain too huge? Nothing can be impossible, claim that truth today.

There was chilli in my food

2011-10-19T20:23:00.000+08:00

On the way back from a Christian gathering at college this evening, I bought duck rice for dinner. Took away rather than to dine alone at the coffee shop. Because I wanted a bath first, and my arms were loaded. Had quite a bit of weight to carry- a guitar and notebook, so I was pretty tired, not forgetting all the walking in the drizzle as well.

Anyway it was only until I had bathed, settled myself down and gone into a more relaxed mood, when I realised there was chilli sause in my rice. How great. After a long day, you finally begin to rest. Come dinner time, you open up the food packaging to find something you dislike. I do not mean to complain at all, but couldn't the hawker just be kind enough to ask before giving his customers chilli?

On the contrary as this might seem; having written what I wrote in the above paragraph, I agree to pouring chilli sause in with the rice instead of seperating the two. Surely you must have noticed seperate packets of chilli when you take away, assuming you are buying food like rice, noodles; not fruits or cheese cakes. I am in the opinion that chilli can and should be packed together with your duck rice, chicken rice, etc. as I am always for reducing plastic usage. Too much plastic are being unnecessarily wasted in our every day lives! This is an environmental issue that must be addressed at all levels of society. If every hawker were to save that one piece of plastic that was originally for a portion of seasoning, the amount of plastic saved can definitely be substantial.

Reducing plastic usage is a plausible act of kindness to our Mother Earth, however please do ask if I want the chilli sause, can? I am not upset that the guy did not seperate chilli from the duck rice he sold; I am upset because he did not seperate mine. Usually I would return the packet of chilli wherever I buy food. Little did I expect to find the sause in my rice.

There was chilli in my food.

Of dying and living

2011-10-14T08:50:00.001+08:00

Before dying, you learn how to live;
After dying, you live.

Before death, how you live determines where, after dying, are you going to live.

New email

2011-10-13T01:09:00.003+08:00

Suffering from a slight insomnia as I write. In fact, the reason I am online now is due to the frustration of my inability to fall asleep. It sucks.

So I got out of bed and in front of my home desktop. Because my blogs were on my busy mind, which was trying so hard to relax. I kept thinking, over and over again, about my Google account. You see, I sign in with my Gmail account name. killerwhale91 was the best I could think of, a few years ago. Now, for some reason, apparently, I am not satisfied with the username. Well, when I first registered for a Google account I liked whales. But looks like now I don't want my email address to be named after one. Or do I just not want people to know my age that easily?

For the sake of a peace of mind, I had to create a new Gmail and Google account. Lucky for me, I don't use Gmail much. I only use my Google account for Blogger and Youtube. So it was not such a tedious task to move everything over.

Anyway, now it is yapyapjoel@gmail.com! Not that many people are going to write to me.
Back to bed!

Of dying and marrying

2011-10-03T23:04:00.001+08:00

Two of these once in a lifetime events mentioned as titled are independant of each other, as far as my intentions of writing here are concerned.

Why write? Maybe it's just the time of the year when so many people are getting married. Something to do with the Lunar calendar? Chinese poeple favour the number eight. And this is apparently the eighth month according to the Lunar calendar. Anyway my point is that recently, the carparks of Chinese restaurants have been packed almost everyday. I noticed whilst driving past these restaurants at which are known for hosting wedding banquets.

Besides, I hear of friends as well as friends of friends, getting married. Too bad I had not attended any wedding ceremonies lately.

Seeing and hearing of new marriages somehow gets you thinking about it. Or is it just me? When will it be my turn? Am I even supposed to get married too, or stay single? What will life be like for me as well as the community I am in then, after the wedding? Am I even ready for marriage?

Digressing. Recently there had been a few deaths that occured. And I attended one funeral followed by another memorial service, within the same week. Different persons, if you might be in need of clearer explanations.

Hearing of deaths somehow gets you thinking about it. Or is it just me? When will it be my turn? How will it happen? What will life be like for me as well as the community I am in then, after my departure? Am I even ready for death? If not, what am I doing about it?

Ace

2011-09-25T22:19:00.000+08:00

Since elementary school, I had always been an average student. Or at times fell slightly below average but nothing bad enough to worry about.

You must know, I enjoyed examinations while others dreaded them. However, only because of the temporal cease of lessons in the classroom and thus schoolwork as well. I liked exams but never really studied just for the sake of scoring. As young as a child, I had witnessed peers losing freedom and playtime, each time a test was round the corner. I could not be with my best friends, before and during an exam period since their parents grounded them as if they were being prepared for war.

Not trying to boast here, but I never could see the need to study hard for exams in order to do better than the rest of the class. I have seen the ugliness of unhealthy competitions for good grades. Worse still, more often than not, the competitions were among parents. Poor children suffering and bearing burdens that were placed on their shoulders by the parents who keep on comparing. Ugly, and wrong.

Bearing all these in mind, I always(tried to) fulfilled my responsibilities as a student by making some form of preparations for tests. But I was careful not to revised just to pass the exam, treated everything as a learning process instead. Well, maybe except for the ~~corrupted~~ history syllabus. Anyway, I can confidently say that I went through examinations after examinations without a competing spirit that seeks to be superior to my peers. Again, not trying to boast. By the way, of course some stress and competition is good in a sense that it makes you want to excel, please also do not misunderstand me for condemning anyone.

Alright, before accidentally stepping on someone's tail, I digress.

Since elementary school, I had always been an average student. Or at times fell slightly below average but nothing bad enough to worry about. Yet this blog post is not meant to justify myself at all. Just trying to pen down my thoughts and God-willing, let this be helpful to whomever my words might help.

My results for the semester that just ended are out. And I passed. With flying colours.
This is my first time scoring straight A's. Again, not trying to boast. Nevertheless I am proud and happy since my parents are, besides having been serious about college. I always delighted in receiving my grades, this time I was astonished as well, to see all the aces and distinctions. The very first time.

So I finally got the opportunity to experience this, an all-A's transcript. Glory and thanks to God.
Then after a while passed, "so this is just how it feels? Is this all?". It is merely a reflection of how much one worked for towards obtaining the grades. Some deserve theirs, others do not.

In a nutshell, they're just gradings. Aces make you happy, no doubt. But aces are not worth killing for. Please do not let your grades, or the grades of others affect your life, friendships, etc. etc. At the end of the day I found joy in going through the examination with my peers, and more importantly, offering help to those who needed it. The excitement of having obtained straight aces was(is) nothing compared to the joy of sharing and helping.

Innocent J

2011-09-23T23:03:00.000+08:00

Apparently there's another bald Mr. J in the ward where I am currently posted to, in a mental hospital.

This is a 22 years old cheerful chap whose mood fluctuates. Contrary to his actual age, he is basically a pre-school child in the head. Having intellectual deficit must be really challenging for his family. Having intellectual deficit makes him a big baby, only too hard to control when he gets upset. Because as a child, and throwing temper tantrums is only natural; as a 22 year-old physically fit person, let's just say it's easier to handle a crying little kid who is of size of a little kid. Well, if I were a parent of such a child I'd be heartbroken to send him or her to be looked after by nurses, among other mentally unwell patients.

To be honest I do question his existence, or at the very least, his condition. How could a loving God let such thing happen to Mr. J? What did the boy do to be born with intellectual deficit? Not that I am in any position to question an almighty God. Just being true and honest here.

For the past week I took the opportunity to build rapport with Mr. J and got to know quite a bit about him. He doesn't speak but is able to communicate with simple sign language. Furthermore he is good with numbers. Apparently he only writes numbers, the only alphabets I was able to make him write were those in his first name. I must admit understanding Mr. J has been quite of a challenge.

He shares his snacks, very few of the patients there are willing to. He smiles and make people do the same. He can like or dislike certain persons, just like all people do. He feels happy when his parents come to visit and would feel sad when they had to leave. For all I care, this boy is just like any other boy out there. If not, better. I've never seen him deliberately hurting another person in the ward, I believe he will never harm intentionally. One night as I tucked Mr. J in to bed, he grabbed my head by holding both my ears and smiled. Appearing to be hugging me. I've seen him doing the same to a few of the nurses in the ward before. This might be how he showed love.

Physical touch. Certainly with no erotic intentions at all. So amazing, so innocent. It got me thinking, I actually fall short of Mr. J in many ways. I envy him in certain areas. Hmmm... He stays true to himself. Happy, angry or sad, you can read it on his face. Want something or not, he wouldn't lie. He doesn't wear masks to appear "social friendly" while I remain a hypocrite for most of the time I am out. He is not likely to be aware of sex so he has the previlige of being innocent whereas I can only ever strive for purity, or try not to lose whatever's remained of mine.

Mr. J is happy to be Mr. J.

Regression

2011-09-18T00:00:00.000+08:00

A little boy I wish to be,
'cos a happy one, I used to be.

Fellowship in a joyride
graciously provided for me.
During the hours of happiness,
my heart was ageless.

Words from texts and letters-
were to me, O so precious!
Actions of love and kindness-
every bit, fondly appreciated.

The blessed boy I once was;
is and forever will be
what I wish I'd always be.

© Joel Yap

Foto Malaysia Friday

2011-09-16T09:00:00.002+08:00

Happy Malaysia Day 2011!

Sleep

2011-09-13T22:54:00.000+08:00

I had a good enough day today. Thanks to the 10 hour sleep I fortunately had last night.

Slept at 7PM and got up around 5 o'clock this morning. I understand the importance of sleep and was grateful to have had a good one last night. No waking up to urinate, no loud noises, the temperature was just fine, etc. etc.

By the way, usually it is when I am sick that I would be able to sleep this long. Was(am) I about to fall sick?
Anyway, looking forward to the holidays!

Foto Friday

2011-09-02T12:09:00.000+08:00

A portrait of my mom taken over the week.

She's on Facebook! Requested for a new profile picture.

So I gladly offered my services.

Foto Friday

2011-09-02T12:00:00.000+08:00

We are beautiful creation;

Unfortunately, in bondage.

We still have each other.

Break free!

Walls

2011-08-29T00:20:00.000+08:00

An angel from above took me in- 

I was in my world wandering.

Spoke words of life

from a honeycomb;

Those eyes of warmth

lightened my soul.

How there used to be great times; 

albeit the otherwise too. 

I remember me and my angel 

going through either. 

And both times builded 

stronger walls- 

protection for our ties. 

Walls, I built around us; 

Walls, for us; 

For me, if I were honest. 

Walls, my angel did not want, 

since its heart was much larger 

than mine. 

I became a demon, 

when the angel broke the walls 

and brought peoples in 

between the two of us. 

New lens!

2011-08-23T11:56:00.000+08:00

Feeling excited over my first purchase on eBay. Happy to own another prime lens with a wide aperture. The Nikon 35mm F1.8D!

Yesterday I put up my 50mm for sale but have not decided on the price yet, even now. Now I'm having second thoughts on selling. My new lens is slightly wider than the earlier, just what I need. But the 50mm is a really good lens with almost no distortion at all. Moreover it has contributed to many good works from my photo collections. Just not sure about letting it go.

Before you start to think I'm a lens fetish, I wanted to sell only due to the lack of spare cash for more and more gear. Besides, I already have the new 35mm.
Choices are like this- giving up what you want to get what you want more.
I'm gonna need a camera bag, flashgun and tripod eventually. Not sure if these are worth saying goodbye to the old 50mm. Anyway the trade won't be able to buy me all of the above.

Having said so much, there were and still are things that I commit my money to. No need to say what but these things are important. And if I were to give up on my worthy commitments for some new hobby, I would despise my own character. Oh, and needless to say saving up for further studies. For my sister's even if not for my own.

We'll see.

One day of silence

2011-08-21T00:30:00.000+08:00

My mouth had only ever opened to eat, to drink, and to yawn. For today, and pretty much half of the day before.
Why? Thanks to living alone in a room. No wonder Mr. Bean was so weird, special in his own ways. But he had no problem with his way of living. Maybe living alone, after a period of time, has the potential to make you weird. Haha, I'm just guessing. Anyway I am already not that normal to begin with.

I think I have almost forgotten how it feels to only need to open your mouth to eat, drink and yawn. It has been some time since I spent weekends alone not, talking to anyone. For quite a number of weeks(or months) I had been either hanging out with friends from Kluang, in Singapore; or hanging out with friends in Kluang. Today I get the taste of living alone again.

Well, it's nothing new. Last year I spent many weekends in Singapore alone. And I didn't really speak during the week nights either. Only this year did things change. I became a senior, to a few girls who also aspire to become nurses. And I moved into a new place with course mates. However today I just never spoken to anyone.

I am writing now with no intentions of complaining about my day. Some silence might be good for the soul, as long as it doesn't turn me into an antisocial monster living in its own world. Besides, keeping quiet all day beats talking to myself.

My moments of not talking is going to end soon, once I meet a friend for church soon. You know, it's always glad to have friends in a foreign land.

Foto Friday

2011-08-19T13:43:00.000+08:00

A lazy Friday afternoon

following a one-hour pharmacology paper.

Few more subjects to go!

Year 2 Semester 1.

I must end it well,

for better beginnings.

One step back

2011-08-18T13:06:00.002+08:00

As I became politically aware as a late-bloomer, I grew interested in how a nation is run; or should be run. And as I read, listen and learn about how a nation ought to be run, watching how things have been going on in my country, naturally I grew angry. As far as my limited bible knowledge is concerned, my anger towards injustice and the forces of evil is jujstified.

Am I angry towards the wrong that the rulling government is doing, or am I angry with the government?

Every day I feel sad as I turn to the news. Reading of people going about with their business without any fear of God. Race and religion have been diminished to mere political tools to divide and rule. Law now serves the interests of people in power. Et cetera, et cetera. There are hardly any news to make my day. Even if I felt any excitement, it would just be seeing the stupidity of certain people exposed. But this is not joy. It quickly goes away and I end up feeling depressed altogether.

Holy anger. Against what is wrong and unpleasant in God's sight. At which evil trembles at.

Some questions to myself:

Are my prayers fueled by anger towards certain groups or love for the country?
Is my anger motivated by my love for the country?

Perhaps until my motives are right, I should consider taking a break from reading the news regarding Malaysia.
Perhaps until my motives are right, I am no longer sure of the purpose of my enthusiasm for a better Malaysia, all the prayers and tears.

In Your Kingdom

2011-08-10T08:55:00.000+08:00

In Your kingdom, there is truth

In Your kingdom, justice rules

We see Your glory fall in place

Songs of freedom fill the air

As You rule, the unrighteous fall

As You rule, the wicked can not live

The oppressed will shout Your name

And the widows turn to You

As You reign, the lost will be found

As You reign, the blind eyes see

The dead shall sing Your praise

And the lame can run to You

God in heaven, look to us

Hear Your praises rise from earth

We, Your people worship You

Face to face, we are waiting for that Day!

Nightmare

2011-08-07T01:50:00.000+08:00

Woken up 5 minutes ago by my own dreams! That I went for National Service again.

Need I say more?

Foto Friday

2011-08-05T06:05:00.027+08:00

I mentioned a need for a new cell phone soon

during a casual chat with dad one day.

As my current Singaporean phone

could not be recharged anymore.

I never wanted another 'black and white' one though,

nor had I ever intended that dad bought me anything.

And he buys me one.

No, I am not despising the good old solid Nokia phone.

I am glad to have a father who provides.

And shall use it happily as I would a new iPhone.

Perhaps a real new iPhone soon?

Yes, I will pay.

Dead or Alive?

2011-08-02T08:24:00.000+08:00

My fall 

  due to 

your reactance 

  due to 

my haunting

  due to

your retreat

  due to

my dependence

  due to

your love?

Or was it even love?

I now numbed to your absence,

breathe in the knowledge of your death-

my willing-perception.

For it the only way I live;

that you died.

Or else I cannot cope with truth-

your leave.

But how am I supposed to deal

with inconsistencies so real?

You breathe,

when I wish you passed away;

yet I wish not see you die.

Conflicts waging wars

in my impaired mind,

forbids me live free.

Should I view you

as dead or alive?

My heart does not wish to even see you!

Should I think of you

as dead or alive?

Foto Friday

2011-07-29T20:00:00.000+08:00

Shaving, for a good cause.

Though I do not see

how shaving can ease their pain.

To raise awareness, however, yes.

Foto Friday

2011-07-22T08:00:00.008+08:00

The Bersih 2.0 committee urges Malaysians to wear something yellow on every Saturday to support its cause, until we have clean and fair elections.

For Malaysia.

Touch

2011-07-18T21:39:00.000+08:00

Happiness.

Dare I claim,

back when we were companions.

Anger.

When you left,

as I rotted in the ground.

Now I know,

my pleasures displeased you.

I should have known.

But you loved me,

didn’t you?

Do not answer.

Quality time.

I craved

for us.

Compassionate words.

Flooding

our conversations.

Acts of service.

My pride gladly

in meeting your needs.

Giving items.

Tokens of thought

I learnt.

Physical touch.

Magic

opened up my heart.

Touch:

my language distorted, abused;

turned me sad and confused.

Fact about choices

2011-07-15T14:46:00.000+08:00

Not to decide is to decide.

I don't want to think about it, means I want to not think about it.
You are not doing anything about it, means you do nothing about it.
I don't want to solve this, means I want to leave this unresolved.
You don't want progress, means you want no progress.

Mom was here

2011-07-12T21:16:00.000+08:00

For the past two nights. She came to Singapore with me on Sunday and went back home this afternoon.

It was nice having her around as my nights were less lonely. Hehe!
And my room becomes bersih each time she comes. 'Killing two birds in one stone,' my teacher taught. I get company, and a cleaner place to live in.

Besides that, my wallet would become a little bit bersih too. Do not misunderstand, I do enjoy spending the extra-than-usual bit of money when she comes. Afterall it is supposed to be her 'break'. Take last night, we went to watch Transformers: Dark of the Moon in digital. I had a great time. The sound system was so good that even mom could tell. Hope she didn't freeze too badly though.

She left today. By bus, in the afternoon.
Sigh, gonna miss her.

A pinch of regret

2011-07-09T23:58:00.001+08:00

FOR NOT ATTENDING the Bersih 2.0 Walk for Democracy in Kuala Lumpur this afternoon. Since mother would be very worried had I gone for it.

Doing my little part, I called for a simple prayer meeting. A few friends who were willing to wake up early, and I, gathered to pray. After breakfast I rushed home to follow the news regarding the rally. Stuck to Twitter, independent news portals as well as news from the mainstream media. Wonder how many re-tweets have I sent today. I felt almost like a part of the ralliers already. However I really wish I were physically present.

Walking hand in hand, without looking at skin colours of those walking alongside you. Gathering and marching in groups without being intimidated by the Police. For a good cause. To show the world we are serious about clean and fair elections. Fighting together for something right, that's what strengthened the bonds among our forefathers during the hard times Malaysia had gone through. This is a cause by which we can stand up for regardless of race. What more can I say, if given a choice I would never hesitate to be a part of such an occasion.

So what if I had gone? What do I have to offer? See the lawyers, they volunteered to provide legal services for free to demonstrators who were arrested. See the doctors, they volunteered in offering medical attention in case of any injuries and whatsoever. See the journalists who risk their lives to go to where the crowds and policemen were more dangerous, so that we may see and know what was going on.
I am just a student who called for a prayer gathering at the last minute. Nevertheless prayer is so important, but I still feel that my contributions were inadequate.

In conclusion I am just feeling a bit unhappy for not being able to take part in today's rally. This is a moment in history, in which one should feel ashamed if he or she could not care less about.

Called for prayer

2011-07-09T13:25:00.001+08:00

Today a few good people of Kluang gathered at 7 o'clock in the morning. To pray for clean and fair elections in conjunction with the Bersih 2.0 rally in Kuala Lumpur this very afternoon.

We were just a bunch of people who cannot make it for the rally, but cannot sit still and do nothing as well. At least for me, my whole body just feels uncomfortable, at the knowledge that people are out there protesting and demanding for more democracy and fairness in elections; while I just sit back minding my own business. I must contribute. If this is a good cause, to bring about change to the nation, I must contribute. However little I have to offer.

To make things clear, this is not about which political party to support. Which is another story altogether. Bersih 2.0 seeks clean elections! Say in a soccer match, we're more concerned about the referee rather than which team wins. Just want everyone to play fair.

Currently following closely the news regarding today's Bersih 2.0 rally.
Praying for the nation, beyond just one rally. Change is not easy, change will face oppositions and antagonisms. Pray with me for justice to prevail.

Bersih 2.0

2011-07-07T09:51:00.000+08:00

Clean the electoral roll
Reform postal ballot
Use of indelible ink
Minimum 21 days campaign period
Free and fair access to media
Strengthen public institutions
Stop corruption
Stop dirty politics

Bersih is a coalition of NGOs who wish to demand that Malaysia's Election Committee do a better job. You may search for its details online because this is my simple explanation about Bersih. Basically they're sick of looking at the incompetence and biasness in how the Election Committee functioned. So they wanna rally and demand that democracy is practised in this country.

Bersih is not supposed to be politically skewed. It does not serve any political body. The Bersih people discuss their demands, plan for their rally and invite the public as well as political parties to join them in a walk to democracy. However the current rulling government might not like Bersih for they-know-what reasons. So they feel threatened. And they make things difficult for Bersih 2.0 to happen.

The last General Election was in 2008, looks like one will be happening soon. Anytime this year or next, perhaps? If the Bersih 2.0 movement brings about some change in how the coming General Election is run, and if elections are held with justice and fairness due to this change, if Bersih 2.0 is what it takes for such change, I wish to be a part of it. Of course, being Malaysian long enough I've learnt to be skeptical towards anything to do with good happening in Malaysia. However I still can choose to believe in miracles. Just like how I can choose whom I would like to rule over me when I am eligible to vote. By the way hoping that I, and many other people my age or younger, would not need to register in order to be eligible to vote upon turning 21. Really hoping I can make it for the rally in KL, trying to find ways to get to and get out of there. Just wanna start doing more than just praying silently and talking loudly.

I believe in the demands of Bersih 2.0 and my prayers are with and for them.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for justice, for they will be satisfied.

Stupid

2011-07-03T08:14:00.001+08:00

IS A WORD I ought to use less frequently. It may sound acceptable to you but it might not to another. Whenever I hang out with my mates we often call each other "bodoh" just for fun. I always thought it was alright as long as we meant no harm. The word stupid had no intentions of aggression whatsoever, its use was purely fellowship-functional.

Again, it may sound acceptable to you but it might not to another. I should have seen it coming. No two persons are the same. We are all created uniquely, each blessed with his or her own personality. We all differ in sensitivities toward various matters. I had been calling a friend stupid without knowing she was hurt.

Perhaps we should all think twice before calling each other names. Even though no offence is meant. Especially when no offence is meant.

Misfortunes

2011-07-02T02:01:00.000+08:00

He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.
Matthew 5:45b

This is definitely not the first time you hear someone asking "Why do bad things happen to good people?", this is definitely not the first time I am asking this too. And I bet everyone had, in some point of their lives, asked this question before, be it to others or to themselves.

Many times I just have to wonder why must this world be so unfair. To me. To my loved ones. To strangers whom I perceive to be faultless for their misfortunes. This is a fact- good people can end up in harsh circumstances which they do not deserve to be in.

Blame it on God. Blame your neighbour. Blame yourself. Blame it on luck!

People tend to find reasons to justify their situations. As for me, I have no idea how to explain why a loved one is in pain right now. Dear cousin, hold on and stay strong. Sorry I have no right to claim I understand what you might be going through, neither do I wish to pretend to; but I know it is surely difficult.
And we all know that God works for the good of those who love Him.

Be strong!

Bishop

2011-06-20T13:55:00.000+08:00

You became a bishop

I was on your side

when I became one like you

we could never meet again

I then realised

How foolish

was I

RM1.8million Facebook pages

2011-06-15T10:47:00.000+08:00

Just read in the papers today that the Malaysian Tourism Ministry had spent over RM1.8million to setup and maintain 6 Facebook pages! Actually I learned about the news yesterday. And my first reaction was like..... Well my first reaction isn't important.

So much money?! Come on, Facebook is free. Even my niece, in her tender age ~~of 8~~ knows how to setup an account for herself, by herself. Why couldn't the Ministry make use of its tech-savvy MP's? And if they're willing, I'm sure many youths can jolly well do a good job too. For free.

6 Facebook pages for more than 1.8 million Ringgit?! Why do I always hear such jokes happening in Malaysia? This is what you get when you let clowns run the country- jokes. Worse still, clowns who do not fear the rakyat. Spend our money like we would neither know nor care. By the way, if any form of corruption were to come to light this time, no need to worry also lah, sure got happy endings anyway. At most, those found guilty would just be transferred or demoted. Nobody's gonna get sacked. Our government is so gracious. Somehow when rulers rule badly, they just get their powers diminished, not taken away. Our government doesn't fire its kakitangan. How nice.
Malaysia boleh!

By the way, since we have such expensive Ministry of Tourism Facebook pages, we mustn't let them go to waste. Might as well access everyday. I think I'd better set one as my browser's homepage lah. Don't waste OUR RM1.8million!

Thinking about Marriage

2011-06-12T15:26:00.003+08:00

LOVE IS PATIENT, love is kind. And I believe we need to show love to not only our spouse. Therefore love should not be a word reserved for the context of marriage. For restricting "love" to marriage is nothing more than robbing it of its greater meaning. Thus the title for today- "Thinking about Marriage" as that is one of the things I had been thinking about lately indeed.

It is hard to deny that my age is catching up though I do not wish to speak like an old man because I really am not one yet! What I am trying to say is that I am no longer as young as I like to be anymore. Already passed the stage whereby all I ever had to worry about was "what to play next?" and there were people to make sure I ate and grew well. Have already transitioned out of childhood and started taking on responsibilities little by little every year. During my secondary schooling years, mom gave me weekly pocket money. And if I ever missed a day at school, the money for that day would be deducted in my allowances for the next week. One of mother's ways of making sure I did not miss school intentionally. By the time I started driving, dad gave me my allowances every fortnight. I had to budget more carefully because it is not too nice to say, "Can I have some money please?" to mom and dad when the cash ran out, even though they would probably give it. Ever since being able to drive, I took more control over my life.

Now I live in Singapore, for the purpose of pursuing my studies to become a nurse. I have a BMW, that is Bus+MRT+Walk. If you get the joke, you get it; if you don't, no need to worry about it.
Anyway, I am out of home. Receiving monthly allowances and paying rent. More responsibilities. And I am surrounded by girls, thanks to enrolling into a female-abundant course, by the way. Sometimes it is difficult not to wish to think about marriage. Okay, maybe most people my age have not started thinking about marriage yet; but they certainly think about courtship. For some, desperately. Nevertheless I do not expect fairy tale-like courtships with girls around me. Physical attractions, that leads to puppy love followed by broken hearts, are just nothing but a waste of time. And money.

What I am thinking about looking for is a woman whom I can spend my life and share my life with, together until we age and die. For as long as my breath shall last, I wish to love and protect her. I look forward to a practical, romantic friendship that lasts.

One problem, no girl lah! Hahaha... Talk so much for what? Never go and find the person to share that relationship with! So, I had been sort of scanning around for "suitable candidates" whilst continue thinking about marriage and what would married life be like. Not forgetting getting on with daily life as per normal. By the way, I do not insist on getting married. Can and will be fine either way.

With every look at the potential people I might like to "explore courtship" with, and asking God "Who is the right woman?" it all boils down to this question, "Will I be the right man for my right woman?" and I dare not set one eye on any of those girls anymore. Am I even ready for marriage yet? There are nice girls around, very few attract me and even fewer make me think of marriage. However, so what if I had found my potential spouse, or not. Am I ready for marriage? Everytime I think about what would life look like after the wedding, I think about how am I maturing to be worthy of marriage.

Love is patient.

Acts 2:44-46

2011-06-02T00:33:00.002+08:00

"All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts..." Acts 2:44-46

This is the fellowship of Jesus' believers after His death on earth and ascent to heaven. See the faith and enthusiasm they had, sharing everything together!

I'm sure times were tough back then. If one did not work, he and his family did not eat. Many of the believers of Jesus were probably of, if not among the lower classes of society. Yet they were willing to look beyond their own needs to feed each other. I mean, the most logical thing to do through the history of mankind, even in today's time, especially in today's time, is to look out for ourselves first.

In the financially polarised society during the Roman rule, many of the local Jews in Israel were likely poor and had not many possessions. So poor that even two copper coins were all the widow at the temple had to live on. (See Luke 21: 3,4) However, of course, there were the wealthy as well.

In a nutshell, little is much to he who owns little; and much is little to he who owns plenty. Some of Jesus' early believers sold their possessions and shared everything they had, helped the poor, worshipped, fellowshipped and dined together everyday. Be it that they(the believers) owned little or plenty, everyone was equal, everybody shared. What a beautiful thing to do, and what an unimaginable sight. Unimaginable especially when people are just so caught up with materialism. Piling up as much possessions as they can. I struggle as well.

I could only imagine or hope to be blessed with a just few close friends to share meals and stuff with. We could confide in each other, remind one another of the Lord's second coming and help give encouragement to run this race. Fellowship is important. What about being relevant to the world while not conforming to its values? Money is important too. Yet money comes and go away. How many of your friends today value friendship with you more than their money? How many of you are able to really share. This is a good fight, this is not an easy battle to win, without Christians staying united as well as plugged in to Christ's strength.

I could only imagine if I had friends to share resources with; without taking advantage of each other's vulnerability.

Light promise

2011-05-29T19:07:00.000+08:00

It has been over a month now, since Mr. W and I first got to know each other in the hospital where I was posted to for a clinical attachment. During which he was discharged and transferred for rehabilitation and step-down care. Since then, our client-nurse relationship turned into friendship as I started visiting him.

Two days ago I bought him newspapers and some extra breakfast. This was my last visit besides today's. He wanted me to come this morning to bring the Sunday newspapers and perhaps some roti canai, so I told him I would do so(today) two days ago.

In other words I was supposed to go see him this morning. However I nearly woke up late for church. Totally went on with the day's activities without calling Mr. W to inform him that I would visit later during the day. He called me by noon. I explained that I might bring him the newspapers in the evening as I was out in town. And I did. Just came back from the hospital, by the way.

Sigh, now as I look back, did I take my promise to Mr. W too lightly? I knew he wouldn't(couldn't) mind because I am practically one of his only friends around. In fact, I visit him more frequently than any members of his family and friends. Not to mention I have absolutely no obligation to visit him at all in the first place.

A promise is a promise nonetheless.

I said I would visit him in the morning but only showed up in the evening. A man is as good as his word. I feel sorry for taking a promise too lightly no matter how "light" this promise was meant to be.

Foto Friday

2011-05-27T21:33:00.001+08:00

Finally got my hands on Love Shine Through

music album by Tim Hughes.

Excellent cover design!

Can't wait to listen to the songs.

Sister in NS

2011-05-22T23:28:00.000+08:00

Matriculation? Harap maaf...
Teachers' training college? Harap maaf...
National Service? Tahniah!

That's the goodness of our oh so wonderful Malaysian government towards my sister. See how well they are to her.

What more shall I say? Could I stop if I were to start talking about how I feel with regards to my sister's plight?

Keep out. I will bite.

Watch what you watch

2011-05-18T21:58:00.000+08:00

Feeling bored? Wondering what to turn to when you're done with the stuff you usually read?(Or you don't read so much?) When you cannot sleep and your iTunes playlist starts to bore you a bit, what do you do?

I watch some movies and TV series online during my free time. Illegal? Sue me.

Recently, I took noticed; the new shows I tend to pick usually have to do with crime. Not trying to say anything, but some people have turned violent after watching too much violent stuff, no? I seen documentaries of sex maniacs and serial rapists who claim they would not had been what they were, if not for pornography during their teenage years.

You are what you eat. What enters your body will inevitably change you from within, given time. Surely there is more than just food to the mouth. We have sound waves and visible light; coming to our ears and eyes.
Just a reminder to myself, reminding myself out loud here so that readers who stumble upon this blog post might be blessed(warned) too.

Better watch what you are watching.

The Sky is Singing

2011-05-16T20:27:00.001+08:00

The sky is singing, 

pouring life unto earth.

Its cotton soaked through, 

bringing rain to us.

The sky is roaring, 

we can not disrespect.

The sound of thunders dance, 

loudness fills below.

Waters from above reaching 

right beneath the ground.

Passing by our eyes,

through centuries of soil; 

Springs of well-being,

blessings be mankind to.

From a distance

2011-05-16T20:27:00.000+08:00

"Emo-ing" today.

I could ever only watch from a distance?

Not much interaction, not much friendship possiblilities. So I was taught this evening.

Studying sociology. I believe it makes me smarter. Able to make informed decisions, scientific data to back rationales. Chances of going wrong may be reduced. Yet I feel even more depressed after today's lesson.

I could ever only watch from a distance?

"Emo-ing" today.

Surprise phone call

2011-05-09T21:18:00.000+08:00

It rang, when I wanted to go to bed. Yes, I plan to go to bed this early but I guess I have enough time for one blog post here and now.

I was feeling a little homesick so I occupied myself by having some fun in editing a few old photographs taken few months back. As I was done with the last piece for the night I wanted to make my way to the bathroom already. Suddenly the mobile phone rang. "This is odd, my Singaporean phone doesn't ring often," I thought. So I picked it up, and immediately recognised the voice on the other side! It was Mr. W speaking in his unique accent which was and most probably always will be, pleasant to my ears despite my difficulty understanding him at times.

Looks like an ex-patient has been missing me. Or maybe he is now out of wet tissues, which I gave to him, by the way. I had been visitting him on and off for a few weeks now, ever since his discharge from Tan Tock Seng Hospital.

Anyway, I'll see him in the morning. After buying Tamil newspapers and perhaps some food. Speaking of which, sometimes it's fun to watch the expression on the cashier's face(and maybe some customers' too) whenever I go to buy Tamil newspapers. At times they might not even resist checking with me, "Do you know this is in Tamil?" and I always enjoy replying "Yes!" to them. And whenever Mr. W offers me payment for the stuff I bring along during my visits, I reject him gladly. However I appreciate his appreciation even more!

This was the first time he called me.
Oh what joy it is to put a smile on Mr. W's face.

Did you say you won't let go?

2011-05-02T22:17:00.000+08:00

Tell me why

did you say you won't let go?

Did you say you won't let go?

Tell me why.

I was a kite in the sky

clinging to your caring hands.

You wanted me to soar on high;

tell me why did you let go.

Holding on to you-

everything that meant to me.

Alas, there were thorns

the strings attached.

Justified, you may let me go?

If I ever hear from you,

tell me why.

Foto Friday

2011-04-22T11:06:00.001+08:00

Crucified

Laid behind a stone

Lived to die

Rejected and alone

Never Enough

2011-04-17T21:36:00.000+08:00

Everything I gave

Every word I spake

Never enough for you

When the morning waked

Time for you to rise

Your idle hands were tied

All the victories

All those battles won

Did nothing for your good

See the blood you shed

Every tear I cried

Your bitterness remains

Bless the past we shared

Bless the love I’ve shown

You always failed to see

Foto Friday

2011-04-15T14:23:00.000+08:00

"You are the light of the world," says Jesus.

Unpleasant surprise

2011-04-10T19:21:00.000+08:00

Earlier this evening, my first kiss happened.

It rained earlier, so the road was slippery. Traffic was clear.
Clever me tried to be cleverer and funny.
90 degree turn on the left, and I went for it without brakes.
Clutched for a down gear. Ready to attempt a drift.
It drifted indeed, into an oncoming car.
Traffic wasn't clear enough for me, apparently.

Earlier this evening, my first kiss happened.

Thank God, nobody besides the car bodies attained any injuries in the process. Glad that the opposite party was kind enough to me. So sorry about the cars.

I have a great family. And I shouldn't act like stunt drivers in the movies.
Painful(and expensive) lessons to learn today.

Pleasant surprise

2011-04-07T23:16:00.000+08:00

Mr. W who was transferred to another hospital yesterday forgot to bring his shoes along. (I forgot to pack) No wonder as he has been barefooted for over a month. How could he have remembered? So I brought the shoes home yesterday and went to visit Mr. W this morning.

He looked good! Was doing some exercised when I interrupted. I was really glad to sit down with him, to spend some time with the man.

As we chat, suddenly there was a voice, "You're Joel eh?" from across the table. So familiar, at that very moment I knew who was speaking. A former patient whom I took care of during the previous clinical posting in a different ward was just seated directly opposite Mr. W! The patient who used to weigh over 150kg, is now around 80kg. I could not recognise him at all!

What are the odds of you meeting your patients again after they are discharged?? It feels good to see one of them today, even better as he is in a much better shape. Hope he is fit for home after rehabilitation though.

What a pleasant surprise.

Reflection: Attachment

2011-04-06T21:46:00.001+08:00

One of the longest staying patients in the ward was admitted for a left intertrochanteric fracture some time ago last month. Technically speaking, he had been here longer than me! He got transferred to a community hospital for step-down care and rehabilitation, this morning. Well, that's a good thing for him. There he is probably going to have more opportunities and space for physiotherapy.

Mr. W is a very cheerful man, easy to get along with and fun to talk to. He is in his golden years now, seldom wishes to make life difficult for those who take care of him. His needs are very simple. He would ask politely whenever he required assistance of any kind. The type of person who is happy, not lacking much though is without wealth.

Maybe it is due to the substantial amounts of medicine he takes, the weeks spent basically bed-bounded, or other underlying medical factors; Mr. W tends to experience sudden drops in his blood pressure from time to time. During such times he would verbalise his giddiness and express difficulty in remaining seated upright. Apart from that, he has pain and weakness in his left hip. So we had to be careful, sensitive to it. This is Mr. W- one of the petients with whom I had more contact and spent more time together, since he was in the cubicle assigned to me. The happy and simple man who goes through occasions of spinning in the head or pain in the hip.

Well, Mr. W got transferred this morning. He cried several times upon packing. (though I was the one packing his stuff)
In all my days posted to the ward I have never seen the man cried, not once. He was always the kind who asks for a favour, you give it to him and he expresses his gratitude simply. A satisfied man who is thankful, but never overly involved emotionally. Just smiling, more than enough for the staff to know he wassn't a man who takes advantage of others.

When he cried today, I was surprised and touched. Then in a corner not too far away within the cubicle, I began to shed tears myself. In the midst of the wishes and goodbyes for Mr. W, as well as sounds of coughing from the other beds as usual.

Mr. W's days in this ward were certainly happy ones, because of the care he received here from its wonderful staff. Doctors, nurses, cleaners, everyone. I am glad to have confidence to claim that I too have made a fair bit of contribution to his pleasant stay here. In the same way, Mr. W definitely played a significant role in my days here too.

I guess he had grown attached to the ward staff taking care of him; I guess I had grown attached to him over the days spent together. Caring for people who are likely incapable of returning favours, does something to you. It builds you up, it shapes character. And it might also mean nurturing affiliation, because you definitely need to love in order to care for such people. So I guess you need to become vulnerable too.

I guess I had grown attached to one or two of the men I took care of.
Shed tears on a clinical posting for the first time.

This reflective writing is dedicated to the speedy recovery of Mr. W.

Week 1

2011-03-26T07:53:00.000+08:00

Over!

Good morning, people who still come to visit. My first week of this(second) clinical posting has come to an end, am doing great! This time round the staff nurses would actually ask for their students' names, which I am quite appreciative of. Okay, being addressed by name may not be a big deal actually, but I really am thankful for their little acts of acknowledgement. We're students, still human just the same as the nurses and patients.
Of course, the staff who do not know you would still end up calling you "student" lah, but never mind mah.

I enjoy the company of a few patients, does this sound a bit off? Let's try this again. I enjoy attending to a few of the patients in this ward. They are nice people, interesting and fun to talk to. Yet I have to keep reminding myself this- no favourtism in patient care. Only be grateful for having a few "pleasant" ones to keep your day going.

So I am overall quite happy about this posting, by far.
No dissatisfactions at all? You think I not normal person ah??
There are sources of stress and frustrations which I do not wish to reveal by writing where everyone can see. If you would ask me, I just might start borrowing a listening ear, if you may.

Then again, I am overall quite happy about this clinical posting, by far.

Reflection: Communication

2011-03-23T17:37:00.004+08:00

A man came to deliver air mattresses today. For patients in beds 87 and 88; Mr. Ng and Mr. Amad. He was a Chinese man, probably in his early 30’s, who conversed in simple English with the staff nurse who just took over the afternoon shift; and in Mandarin with me.
The man had his own way of communicating with us. First he got everybody to turn Mr. Ng to one side, so he could slide a new mattress under the patient. Then the air mattress was placed above that newly placed mattress. Next, all he got the staff nurse to do was hold on to the new mattresses with Mr. Ng on top; while he forcefully pulled out the old, normal one underneath with my help which I did not know he wanted. This was our first time doing it according to his instructions because usually we just added the air mattress above the normal mattress instead of changing it to a thinner one. In the end we moved on to the next bed, with a better idea of what to do already. Mr. Amad was a lucky man.

Anyway this was an event that took place today which left a lasting impression as it was a shocking enough experience. Looking at the helpless patients in discomfort, or worse still, pain, hurts my heart because I too, felt helpless as I did not know what was going on. Let alone relieve their discomfort.

It really did not went too well today for both patients whose families ordered for the air mattresses. It was an unpleasant experience; they may have fears in future whenever they are transfered from bed, having sheets changed, mattress changed, etc. I hope what happened today does not leave such impacts on Mr. Ng and Mr. Amad.

Looking at this event, I think that the man failed to communicate to the staff and I clear instructions, causing us to fail to help him as well as the patients as best as we could have. The man knew exactly what to do, but did not explain how. What he could have done was speak to us clearly and tell us how he needed our assistance, step by step; rather than just giving instructions along the way. Before I forget, he should also have known this was an orthopedic ward. At least find out what was wrong with the patients before all the shaking and shifting.

From this experience I understood the importance of effective communication. Without it, even efforts to do patients good might in turn harm them. Taking the air mattresses today for example: something to prevent pressure sores, but we could have knocked the patients or scratched their skin in the process of changing mattresses if careless. Thus from now on I will pay extra attention to communicating information as clearly as I can, and make sure I get help if the opposite party does not understand what I try to convey. Besides, I will also take extra efforts to be an active listener on the other side of the fence.

Which brings me to my next point, I experience some problems with understanding what are being said over the passing of reports. The staff nurses use many abbreviations which I sometimes find difficulties catching up with. I confess my fault in not clarifying or requesting for explanation to what they have said. They always appeared in a hurry to get things done, perhaps they are just experienced, and used to passing reports speaking in ways that are not “slow” enough for me. Sorry for most of the times I did not dare ask for explanations and meanings of unfamiliar abbreviations.

Communication is of great importance in everything we do. Therefore I hope to communicate better.

With this, I wish to conclude my reflective writing for the day.

(putting the mirror and pen away)

Break over

2011-03-19T10:13:00.000+08:00

Nearing the end of my semestral holidays now. Off for clinical posting on Monday!

Sigh, mixed feelings: excited that Year 2 is coming; reluctant to leave my hometown.

Well, every break needs to come to an end before I become "broken". People might start to turn functionless when they rest for too long, be it they feel it or not. Rest is for those who work. Thus I shall earn my rest.

Going to the hospital for 3 weeks. Hope it goes well.
Second clinical attachment as a student nurse.

At least I now have a less stressful environment in Singapore for sleeping. ~~No need to live in constant fear of the monstress inhabiting Bishan!~~ Will be living in Ang Mo Kio, somewhere near school. Many thanks to my cousin and her amazing landlady!

Leaving Kluang tomorrow, for 3 weeks of training. Kissing goodbye to nothing-to-do life in Kluang where my job is to meet meet meet with old friends and eat eat eat with them.

I will be back.

Walk with Me

2011-03-15T12:48:00.000+08:00

Leading you,

walking with you;

Trust that, I am good.

Take my hand,

bring yourself

into a brighter world.

I do-

not fear the storms

that come

against you.

Been there;

I am here to lead you.

Find rest your soul,

come take my hand,

Walk with me.

Fool or Hypocrite

2011-03-14T19:13:00.000+08:00

Fools show the world what they are;
Hypocrites try to show the world that they are what they are not.

竞争

2011-03-08T10:17:00.001+08:00

大家都在忙着申请上大学的手续。

选择申请同样的大学时，难免会有竞争。
但在朋友之间，尤其是好朋友，难免的事情难道真的就不能免一免吗？

自己想在心中理想的大学保的位似乎已经比友情重要了。
想上大学没有错，但如果因此而忘了助人的快乐之本，会很开心吗？
假如连跟 “自己人” 都有很强的竞争心理，那我便不敢知道外面的世界是多么地丑陋！更不愿意了解到底为什么人需要这么自私。
我们当然不能期望与世无争；但如果有人因自己的利益而忘记，甚至出卖朋友与家人，我本身认为这种人的生命太没意义了。

“现在不能帮你。”
真的不行吗？还是不愿意？
“以后我会帮，就是现在不可以。”
等以后来临了，再看一看你真的会不会出手。

大家都在忙着申请上大学的手续。朋友之间，互相帮助一起努力，好东西一起分享好吗？

Foto Friday

2011-03-04T12:48:00.000+08:00

Are you trapped behind unlocked cages?

All you need to do is set yourself free!

Walk, or remove the obstacles.

Joya photography

2011-03-02T11:16:00.000+08:00

I am excited to bring to you Joya! An entry-level photographer who would love to share some photos with you.

Check out http://facebook.com/joya.photography and see if you like it.
Or you can visit the blog at http://joya-photography.blogspot.com/.

There(Here)

2011-02-25T02:23:00.000+08:00

We did it! After a long day. Cleaning, packing, loading, unloading, unpacking, cleaning and cleaning. I made it out of Bishan to Ang Mo Kio with the very helpful help of mother.
It has been a nice day spending time with her doing stuff together.

Now to a well deserved rest.
First night in this flat.

Halfway there (2)

2011-02-24T13:58:00.000+08:00

One more step closer to Ang Mo Kio from Bishan!

Mommy came over to help me move. We did cleaning at the new place this morning and we're now back to packing after having our lunch.
She works fast, she knows what to do when it comes to cleaning, unlike me. Wonder what will I be doing now if she hadn't come.

It's gonna be a long day, much to do.
Happy to spend some mother and son time together now!

Over!

2011-02-24T02:12:00.000+08:00

Finaly the final paper is over.

Had a good "workout" at cleaning the flat in Ang Mo Kio after the exam.

So tired after such a long day, now packing in Bishan.

Mommy coming to help me. She's retired now, so I guess involving her in my moving can be good for the both of us. Of course, I wouldn't make her do heavy chores.

Looking forward to a new environment. Different people, different experiences.

Allow me to get back to packing now. Didn't know I accumulated so much junk in the room!

One last one

2011-02-23T02:09:00.000+08:00

It's 2 o'clock in the morning, 14 hours to go before the final paper begins. It'll be Human Bioscience, best for last indeed.

Somehow I feel much more relaxed for this semestral examination than compared to the previous one. More relaxed may indicate greater struggle to study. Couldn't seem to sit still and be devoted to memorising stuff, had been easily distracted. If not distracted, then I'd be feeling tired or sleepy.

Feeling like a small boy having a hard time finishing his meal. Mother chasing after him up and down to spoon feed mouthful by mouthful.

Yet by grace I feel I did well enough for most of the subjects. Yes, when I can do it I admit it with humility, truthfully. No need to hide.

"Aiya, never study ah..."
"Aiya, dunno how to do the questions lah!"
but the fler scores high when the results are out. Aren't you sick of these hypocritical words?

My favourite module tested in 14 hours. Studying(trying to) extra hard for it now!

Halfway there

2011-02-18T12:29:00.000+08:00

Where? Where, as in refering to a destination or a process?

In the middle of my second semestral examinations now. 5 papers altogether, 3 more to go; this doesn't feel like a weekend to me now. The 2 papers that were just over were okay, no problem passing but scoring A for one of them would be a testimony of grace. I do regret a little for not having the motivation to dive into the realm of studying; a little bit, I do. Well, 3 more papers to sit for from Monday to Wednesday. Then it's a holiday!

Where? Where, as in refering to a destination or a process?

I consider myself now in between Bishan and Ang Mo Kio, Singapore. Preparing to shift since I found a good place. Not complaining about the room I have been living in for the past 10 months, but this new flat can take me in for 6 years! I prefer the stability and security rather than comfort when it comes to lodging. Will worry about moving here and there much lesser once I move to the flat. Besides, a good relationship with the house owner matters so much more!
Gonna start shifting little by little after the exams.
Might have to do it the inconvenient way because I am too stingy to call a cab, will most probably take a few bus rides for a few days.

Halfway there!

Classes over

2011-02-12T23:31:00.000+08:00

Today is Saturday, yesterday was Friday, it's the end of the 17th week of my Year 1 Semester 2, in which there were 17 weeks of classes. Hence my classes had officially ended yesterday.

Yay!

It's amazing to see how time flies. Not too long ago I contracted Dengue fever and was afraid of being absent from the first few days of this semester; now I am writing here at the end of the same semester. I'm having a study break now, finals kicking in on Thursday. Feeling the need to manage my time wisely as well as praying for the urge to study to befall me. I like about half of the modules I took this semester- Human Bioscience, Introduction to Sociology and Pharmacology. Also realise that I happen to like the lecturers who taught these subjects. Haha, maybe there's a link between interests in studies and favour towards teachers. Nevertheless the obligation pay attention to all subjects that I am assigned to study still exists.

Back in Kluang now for a few days ~~because I can't stand my current landlady~~ to escape all the boredom I might need to face in my current rented room in Singapore.

Looking forward to get over with this semester's clinical attachment to mark an end to my first year as a nursing student!

Foto Friday

2011-02-04T21:40:00.000+08:00

Happy Chinese New Year to all!

Went to Muar today for reunion lunch. Dropped by Popular there before heading to the restaurant, Theology had not arrived at the bookstore yet. So I decided to make a detour on the way back to Kluang, drove to Popular at Batu Pahat and finally got the book I've been waiting for but had no chance to buy.

大年初一首几分

2011-02-03T00:58:00.003+08:00

Happy Chinese New Year to all! Here are some words I penned down upon midnight, when some people of Kluang started lighting up the sky in the neighbourhood.

大年初一首几分

炮竹声声

天暗添了色

瞬间再不黑

明灯升升

取代星星闪

一去不回头

子女生生

外出社会献

勿忘思故亲

Warm Night

2011-02-01T08:41:00.000+08:00

It was a cool night in Kluang with a breeze but the night was warm. What a relief to see for myself that the floods had subsided. I showed up at the doorstep and gave mother a fright, for she was expecting me only tonight. A homecoming hug followed by some simple chats; then my stomach started growling. Finally went on my bike, headed out to town for supper with some peers. The winds were blowing strongly, so fun to ride again; it has been a long time ever since I last did. Great to be riding again; greater to see my friends.

It was a cold night after a long rain. I slept with a blanket once again; it has been a long time too since I last did. Beneath the blanket I was in long sleeves; it too, has been a long time since I did.

And it was a warm night in Kluang.

Ponteng

2011-01-31T13:29:00.001+08:00

I am now in school, waiting for today's classes to end so I can go ahead on my journey back home to Kluang. There is another lecture tomorrow prior to the Chinese New Year break, however.

Trying to weigh the options out as to when to head back home.

Between opportunities to meet up with friends in need and basic expectations of a student, it is honestly a difficult choice to make. Skip tomorrow's lecture to see friends before they leave town the day after; or carry out my due responsibilities as a student? Warning myself that I do not skip classes for selfish gains if I ever do.

Actually I was quite certain of returning today, the moment I learned last night about some bad news- flooding in Kluang. Packing for home this time lacked the usual excitement and joy. First time preparing for the trip with a heavy heart. I hope all is well with the town and everyone in it. Have been praying for a few people lately, now the weather is added to my prayer list.

So I will be skipping lecture tomorrow, intentionally for the first time this semester but with justified intentions, I believe. By the way, we take our attendance by scanning our student ID's. A test of character: I will not get anybody to help take my attendance, choose not to cheat the lecturer as well as my conscience.

Pray for Kluang!

Foto Friday

2011-01-28T23:21:00.000+08:00

Chinese New Year in a week

see the crowd at Chinatown

Haiku- Cactus Shall I Be

2011-01-24T01:07:00.000+08:00

How long has it been,

since the days turned weeks, turned months;

Not too long ago.

Have I not long grown,

familiar with silence of

a party gone wrong?

Do I missed those days,

Morning Glory shined with ease;

Support from a fence.

Could not walk on wheels,

there was you to ferry me;

Happiest of mine.

I sing a sad song,

to remember the good times:

Where there you for me!

Now you are no more,

Flower left in wilderness;

Cactus- shall I be.

Haiku of Infatuations

2011-01-11T22:55:00.000+08:00

Acted like a fool

when I met and wanted Shoes,

David on a roof?

Those shoes so unique,

she drives the right way like me;

Not sure how she speaks.

Found a pair of Gloves

that would touch lives as will mine,

A face caught my eye.

Those gloves feel so warm,

she speaks the same words like me;

Not sure how she drives.

My heart- four spaces;

Room for only one person,

if I choose to love.

Come to a crossroad,

Left or right each cons and pros;

Not sure where to go.

Wedding- simple day,

Marriage- ever going race,

Love must never sway.

Passions

2011-01-09T22:39:00.001+08:00

Something I learned in church this morning: to have passion for something is to be willing to suffer for it.

Meaning if you believe in something true, you'd take risks, endure hardships and perhaps even die for it since the truth in which your belief lies may be really worth your life or more. That is passion. It drives you.

I have a newly developed interest in photography.
Found myself spending almost half the afternoon editing a few images when I was(am still) supposed to be preparing for an important presentation as well as a skill assessment, both taking place tomorrow.

If I were to have a passion for photography, those hours spent were certainly worth the pictures in my hard drive produced today. Here's one on my Tumbly blog.
However my passion in nursing should come before photography. Or at least the responsibility as a student should have kept me away from my photo editing software for that time being.

It's all about timing.

Reminding myself to be aware of priorities- Studies before hobbies.

If I had a passion for nursing, I'd be willing to suffer for it.
I should not let a passion for photography lead to any suffering in my studies at all.

Remember, Joel!

Foto Friday

2011-01-07T18:20:00.000+08:00

Portrait of Chong Cia Ling

No, she didn't die today. Haha!

To Work

2011-01-01T11:39:00.003+08:00

Hello everybody!
Wishing you a happy new year and hoping you would have a happy one indeed.

It's the first day of year 2011 now. Dad has gone to work, so has mom and so has my 17 year old sister. Here I am lazing around in the comfort of home with access to the TV and Internet. On top of that I even have a bike if ever I need or choose to go out somewhere without taking a bus. Everybody's gone to work, I feel I could be a little more useful but do not really know how to be, honestly. Getting bored staying home all morning.

Anyway, thankful and excited for mom and Elaine's new jobs. My mother retired as a church clerk but became worried about the boredom she might have to bear living in an empty nest in time to come, so she decided to opt for teaching English to pre-school children at a learning centre near our church. Elaine just finished with her SPM or 'O' level examination, signed up for a part-time job while waiting for results.

What about me? I'll be leaving for Singapore again, this 2-week break is half-time for me. Starting the second half of the second semester of my first year in college. Many more "matches" to go before I earn my title as staff nurse. Will make it there.

Cheers to a good year ahead of all!

Final Foto Friday of 2010

2010-12-31T23:59:00.001+08:00

Wishing everyone a good year ahead!

Have a meaningful and purposeful year

and remember to count your blessings!

Believe that 2011 is going to be better than 2010...

Your life is going be be better

Your family is going to be closer

Malaysia is going to be a nicer place

Gears for photography

2010-12-31T01:06:00.002+08:00

Am very happy to own Sigma 18-200mm and Nikkor 50mm lenses to go with the Nikon D90 body I have.

50mm is supposed to view and capture the same range as what your naked eye sees. And it is particularly good for portraits and low-light situations. However D90 is a DX format camera with a crop factor. You can go ahead and learn what is a crop factor elsewhere. In my own words, everything you get from a DX camera is 1.5 times zoomed in when compared to FX. So 50mm is no longer what your eyes see but narrower.

Therefore, the next on my list of photography gears to get is a 35mm lens!
Actually I want an external flash unit pretty much too. Struggling to decide which to get first if ever I manage to save up sufficient cash.

Can't be bothered about a camera bag or tripod yet.

Money no enough!

Hope photography is a worthy interest to invest in.

Inferior

2010-12-28T12:51:00.000+08:00

It was Christmas, there were events.
I am thankful to be blessed with a Nikon D90.
So I was at some events to take photos.

Besides me and my camera, there were also others who were better at photography and many of them held better cameras.
Looking at their photographs made available online, I looked through and saw the way they controlled their cameras and captured good angles. The colours, exposures, etc, quite nicely balanced.

As for me, I was most of the time feeling helpless holding the D90 in my hands that always tend to shake each time I took a shot. Editing became even more depressing when I realised so many pictures were just junk. Nearly half of what my memory card contained were blurred shots.

Am trying to learn from other photographers.