Paul Baloche, Michael Rossback, Stuart Garrard and Carl Abrecht came to Asia

 

I followed the band from Singapore to Kuala Lumpur. What a wonderful weekend of good music! You would never know how much I appreciated the sessions and how blessed I was.

Foto Friday

Today I celebrate the completion of my tuition fee loan payment.
Got myself something useful in terms of service unto my Boss.
Going back to what I once loved doing.
 

Foto Friday

Mr. W, I wonder where are you.

Are you in India? 

Are you in Singapore? 

Are you in a better place? 

I really do miss you.

Foto Friday

So challenging, so fulfilling;

So challenging! 

To be a wedding photographer.

 

I wish to be a wedding photographer

Not to make a living out of taking pictures, but to help people remember one of the happiest days of their lives.

This is not an easy role to play, I always feel nervous whenever I'm holding the camera at an important event whether or not I were one of the main photographers because people may be counting on you to come out with good pictures, many a time under challenging circumstances. Of course, on the brighter side, there are events at which I could just show up with a camera and not feel stressed about producing good or usable photos; when the organisers(or any other parties) are not expecting anything from my memory card. In such situations, I would, in turn, totally understand if I were not given privilege or access to certain locations. Nevertheless some practice space and photos for me to take home can be better than just sitting through the whole event, depending on the nature of the occasion.

Now talk about weddings, I have been to enough church weddings that "watching" a whole ceremony from the pews might just be a little boring now that I am too old to bring toys or colouring books to a church. During such times walking around with a camera can be so much more fun! However I cannot be certain of always preferring to take pictures at every wedding I attend; there might come a day when I may have a wife seated beside me, we could then witness the coming together of younger couples, and perhaps reminisce on our own big day. There might even come a day when I may get to walk my daughter down the aisle, that will be a day when I would most certainly choose to hold her hand rather than a camera. God-willing, those days would come in His perfect timing. However when it comes to wedding dinners, I am so far, not a big fan. I would very much prefer going around shooting instead of being stuck at the dinner table! Unless, of course, there is good company. Unfortunately, such banquets have not been treating me well, maybe I have yet to celebrate marriages of peoples close to myself.  Hopefully I can have better experiences with wedding dinners when my own generation of friends starts getting married.

When you become one of the key photographers, your role at the wedding becomes different altogether. You may, at times, behave like a paparazzi; just try not to elbow the other photographers next to you, okay? From the experience(of less than five weddings) I have of being such a photographer, I never failed to feel anxious about covering the events and getting good pictures. The pressure sometimes disturbs pre-production preparations, but to overcome this I usually prepare a checklist to ease the process and make a point to meet in person and discuss details with the wedding planner(s) or newly-weds-to-be. The wedding day has proven to be most stressful, I often find myself sweating in a well air-conditioned environment. Stuff going on quickly and at times simultaneously, the number of guests, the presence of other photographers, the moments that do not wait, the limitations of my gear, etc. etc. etc. Today, I dare not claim to be worthy of shooting a wedding and charging the market rate, but with practice I do wish to be confident enough of help couples remember their big day by capturing moments of such a joyous occasion.
A good friend once made a statement,"practice doesn't make perfect, practice makes improvement, as nothing is perfect," and practise I shall.

I wish to be a wedding photographer.
 

Foto Friday

That ring, a simple thing-
it means only death shall make us part.
So small; bearing such significance.

Will I be worthy of putting on that ring for you?
A real man- no less than what it takes.
A lifetime commitment- no more than what you require.

Whoever you may be.

Who Paid the Penalty

The God responsible for Law

is the same God who paid the Penalty;

He who knew no sin Himself

died a convict- that we are.

The hands that formed the heavens

were the hands that gave us bread;

He breathed life into Adam

but lost His on a tree.

He knows the rotten human Sin,

yet never fails to forgive;

So long as we confess to Him-

our Saviour and our King.

© Joel Yap

Goodbye to Kitty

The kitten I rescued that followed me home two nights ago had to leave lest she starve to death as my house mates and I are returning to our respective homes for Chinese New Year. No one will be in for at least four days. No choice but to say goodbye to the little cat. By the way, I named her Pandai.

I never felt more like a new father before; throughout Pandai's stay with me I bathed her twice, fed her more than twice and constantly thought about her. Not sure how to put this in appropriate words but I guess Pandai enjoys my company. She likes to rub her fur on me from time to time, this scares me when I'm unaware of her doing it. She seems to like playing with me too. The lazy afternoon we spent together yesterday was one of my most satisfying activity of the week. However, like any father-child relationship, there were times that called for some disciplining for Pandai's own good; like whenever she starts to scratch the furniture or jump on my books.

Sigh, our meals. I eat out or buy takeaways. For the past two days I never failed to buy some extra fish for Pandai. By the way, not stuff that I would usually pay to eat. And I tend to feel upset when she doesn't eat her food. So this is how parents feel when their children refuse to eat or play with their food, huh? Nevertheless Pandai will always finish her food at her own time.

Lastly, I am most appreciative of Pandai's kindness in excreting her wastes as I hoped, in a place I provided. Took some sand and placed it in the kitchen. She did it! In the sand! That saved me a lot of washing.

Well, it is time to say goodbye to Pandai. I regret not having the time and capacity to look after a cat. And I pray that Pandai will be safe and taken care of. Goodbye.

Foto Friday

 Long time since I last wrote in Chinese!

Here I am to Worship by Tim Hughes.

I'll be leading worship in Mandarin,

for the first time in my life. 

Translation available on Worship Central.

Toys

A friend of mine was kind enough to remember me when she had free movie tickets. A few of us went to watch the Tintin movie last week.

As Christmas draws near, I want to remember a few friends from back home too. Took the opportunity to do some shopping, conveniently, as we were still waiting for our movie. At that point of time I specifically had a dear boy in mind- an eight-year-old whose improvement in academics was plausible; he even received the Model Student award in his primary school, I found out from the proud grandmother. Very happy for him and had been wanting to give him something since his birthday, which was a few months ago!

What would an eight-year-old boy want? I was eight years old before and I knew where to find his gift.

Stepped into ToysRus for the first time in Singapore. I was told by my friend that I looked like I saw heaven! Or as if Moses stood on Promised Land. The store was huge and full of toys! Fun stuff for almost every age group, especially below 12. You name it, ToysRus has it. At an instance, my senses brought me to where the boys' stuff were. There were figures from Star Wars and Transformers, and of course many other stories as well, but I was concentrating on these two. I felt like a little boy once again, mesmerized by the quantity of the toys and wishing I had most of them. Looking and choosing, looking and choosing. In the end I realised I was there for a boy, not myself. Picked up an Autobot suitable for the kid's age and got out of the Promised Land toy store.

Growing up, I used to play with toys too. Not only that, I remember vividly even talking to some of them! The children's department or toys section must always be visited each time my family went out shopping albeit the fact that many times our trip to the supermarket was for groceries. Shopping meant looking at and sometimes owning new toys. Mom and dad didn't earn big money. We were okay financially but we weren't bathing with milk and using dollar bills as tissue paper. However, as children, how many would be aware of social classes? All children know to do is play together; some are taught to share and take turns whereas some might behave a little ill-mannered. I was a child, like many others, who liked playing and ever open to receiving new play objects.I was a boy who would sometimes pester my parents for the latest Lego or action figures. Unfortunately, or fortunately, most of my wishes weren't granted. Just as life is yesterday, today and forever; on Earth, most of your wishes don't come true, and they shouldn't lest there be chaos all over the world. So, I wanted many things which my family couldn't afford. Nevertheless my sister and I had ample toys to play with, thanks to being born much later than most of our cousins. (Dad is the youngest among ten other siblings!)

Sister and I played with lots of hand-me-downs. But dad and mom would occasionally buy us new toys. I remember crystal clear even till today for wanting a Robocop so badly that I kept asking mommy for it for my tenth birthday. (Tears are building up in my eyes now as I ruminate on this) That wish came through; it felt like the happiest day of my life back then. Now it feels stupid to have wanted a Robocop so much. Haha! Now I find toys practically useless though they were once the greatest treasures. Mommy and daddy didn't have money to splurge on play items that were practically useless, but they still bought us new toys once in a blue moon despite having abundant sources of used ones from our extended family. By the way, I kept asking for so many things from my parents but never paused to think about how they might have felt each time they had to reject my request. Sigh.

Love means sacrifice. Now, having long grown up from being a naughty boy, my eyes are opened. To how much of a rascal I had been as well as how much my parents loved me and love me still. Amazing how feelings are able to mix, not something Rocket Science can explain- I feel bad, yet loved.
Love means giving even though you might never receive anything in return. Parents have no way of making sure how well will they one day be treated by their children, but that cannot stop parents from loving.

I am grateful for having enjoyed a good enough childhood; happy that my parents are still alive and well. This blog post was not meant to make myself or anyone cry like the way I am brought to tears now, just some thoughts as I bought a toy for a little boy.

Touch

Happiness.

Dare I claim,

back when we were companions.

Anger.

When you left,

as I rotted in the ground.

Now I know,

my pleasures displeased you.

I should have known.

But you loved me,

didn’t you?

Do not answer.

Quality time.

I craved

for us.

Compassionate words.

Flooding

our conversations.

Acts of service.

My pride gladly

in meeting your needs.

Giving items.

Tokens of thought

I learnt.

Physical touch.

Magic

opened up my heart.

Touch:

my language distorted, abused;

turned me sad and confused.

© Joel Yap

Mom was here

For the past two nights. She came to Singapore with me on Sunday and went back home this afternoon.

It was nice having her around as my nights were less lonely. Hehe!
And my room becomes bersih each time she comes. 'Killing two birds in one stone,' my teacher taught. I get company, and a cleaner place to live in.

Besides that, my wallet would become a little bit bersih too. Do not misunderstand, I do enjoy spending the extra-than-usual bit of money when she comes. Afterall it is supposed to be her 'break'. Take last night, we went to watch Transformers: Dark of the Moon in digital. I had a great time. The sound system was so good that even mom could tell. Hope she didn't freeze too badly though.

She left today. By bus, in the afternoon.
Sigh, gonna miss her.

Bishop

You became a bishop

I was on your side

when I became one like you

we could never meet again

I then realised

How foolish

was I

© Joel Yap

Thinking about Marriage

LOVE IS PATIENT, love is kind. And I believe we need to show love to not only our spouse. Therefore love should not be a word reserved for the context of marriage. For restricting "love" to marriage is nothing more than robbing it of its greater meaning. Thus the title for today- "Thinking about Marriage" as that is one of the things I had been thinking about lately indeed.

It is hard to deny that my age is catching up though I do not wish to speak like an old man because I really am not one yet! What I am trying to say is that I am no longer as young as I like to be anymore. Already passed the stage whereby all I ever had to worry about was "what to play next?" and there were people to make sure I ate and grew well. Have already transitioned out of childhood and started taking on responsibilities little by little every year. During my secondary schooling years, mom gave me weekly pocket money. And if I ever missed a day at school, the money for that day would be deducted in my allowances for the next week. One of mother's ways of making sure I did not miss school intentionally. By the time I started driving, dad gave me my allowances every fortnight. I had to budget more carefully because it is not too nice to say, "Can I have some money please?" to mom and dad when the cash ran out, even though they would probably give it. Ever since being able to drive, I took more control over my life.

Now I live in Singapore, for the purpose of pursuing my studies to become a nurse. I have a BMW, that is Bus+MRT+Walk. If you get the joke, you get it; if you don't, no need to worry about it.
Anyway, I am out of home. Receiving monthly allowances and paying rent. More responsibilities. And I am surrounded by girls, thanks to enrolling into a female-abundant course, by the way. Sometimes it is difficult not to wish to think about marriage. Okay, maybe most people my age have not started thinking about marriage yet; but they certainly think about courtship. For some, desperately. Nevertheless I do not expect fairy tale-like courtships with girls around me. Physical attractions, that leads to puppy love followed by broken hearts, are just nothing but a waste of time. And money.

What I am thinking about looking for is a woman whom I can spend my life and share my life with, together until we age and die. For as long as my breath shall last, I wish to love and protect her. I look forward to a practical, romantic friendship that lasts.

One problem, no girl lah! Hahaha... Talk so much for what? Never go and find the person to share that relationship with! So, I had been sort of scanning around for "suitable candidates" whilst continue thinking about marriage and what would married life be like. Not forgetting getting on with daily life as per normal. By the way, I do not insist on getting married. Can and will be fine either way.

With every look at the potential people I might like to "explore courtship" with, and asking God "Who is the right woman?" it all boils down to this question, "Will I be the right man for my right woman?" and I dare not set one eye on any of those girls anymore. Am I even ready for marriage yet? There are nice girls around, very few attract me and even fewer make me think of marriage. However, so what if I had found my potential spouse, or not. Am I ready for marriage? Everytime I think about what would life look like after the wedding, I think about how am I maturing to be worthy of marriage.

Love is patient.

Surprise phone call

It rang, when I wanted to go to bed. Yes, I plan to go to bed this early but I guess I have enough time for one blog post here and now.

I was feeling a little homesick so I occupied myself by having some fun in editing a few old photographs taken few months back. As I was done with the last piece for the night I wanted to make my way to the bathroom already. Suddenly the mobile phone rang. "This is odd, my Singaporean phone doesn't ring often," I thought. So I picked it up, and immediately recognised the voice on the other side! It was Mr. W speaking in his unique accent which was and most probably always will be, pleasant to my ears despite my difficulty understanding him at times.

Looks like an ex-patient has been missing me. Or maybe he is now out of wet tissues, which I gave to him, by the way. I had been visitting him on and off for a few weeks now, ever since his discharge from Tan Tock Seng Hospital.

Anyway, I'll see him in the morning. After buying Tamil newspapers and perhaps some food. Speaking of which, sometimes it's fun to watch the expression on the cashier's face(and maybe some customers' too) whenever I go to buy Tamil newspapers. At times they might not even resist checking with me, "Do you know this is in Tamil?" and I always enjoy replying "Yes!" to them. And whenever Mr. W offers me payment for the stuff I bring along during my visits, I reject him gladly. However I appreciate his appreciation even more!






This was the first time he called me.
Oh what joy it is to put a smile on Mr. W's face.

Foto Friday

Crucified

Laid behind a stone

Lived to die

Rejected and alone

Reflection: Attachment

One of the longest staying patients in the ward was admitted for a left intertrochanteric fracture some time ago last month. Technically speaking, he had been here longer than me! He got transferred to a community hospital for step-down care and rehabilitation, this morning. Well, that's a good thing for him. There he is probably going to have more opportunities and space for physiotherapy.

Mr. W is a very cheerful man, easy to get along with and fun to talk to. He is in his golden years now, seldom wishes to make life difficult for those who take care of him. His needs are very simple. He would ask politely whenever he required assistance of any kind. The type of person who is happy, not lacking much though is without wealth.

Maybe it is due to the substantial amounts of medicine he takes, the weeks spent basically bed-bounded, or other underlying medical factors; Mr. W tends to experience sudden drops in his blood pressure from time to time. During such times he would verbalise his giddiness and express difficulty in remaining seated upright. Apart from that, he has pain and weakness in his left hip. So we had to be careful, sensitive to it. This is Mr. W- one of the petients with whom I had more contact and spent more time together, since he was in the cubicle assigned to me. The happy and simple man who goes through occasions of spinning in the head or pain in the hip.

Well, Mr. W got transferred this morning. He cried several times upon packing. (though I was the one packing his stuff)
In all my days posted to the ward I have never seen the man cried, not once. He was always the kind who asks for a favour, you give it to him and he expresses his gratitude simply. A satisfied man who is thankful, but never overly involved emotionally. Just smiling, more than enough for the staff to know he wassn't a man who takes advantage of others.

When he cried today, I was surprised and touched. Then in a corner not too far away within the cubicle, I began to shed tears myself. In the midst of the wishes and goodbyes for Mr. W, as well as sounds of coughing from the other beds as usual.

Mr. W's days in this ward were certainly happy ones, because of the care he received here from its wonderful staff. Doctors, nurses, cleaners, everyone. I am glad to have confidence to claim that I too have made a fair bit of contribution to his pleasant stay here. In the same way, Mr. W definitely played a significant role in my days here too.

I guess he had grown attached to the ward staff taking care of him; I guess I had grown attached to him over the days spent together. Caring for people who are likely incapable of returning favours, does something to you. It builds you up, it shapes character. And it might also mean nurturing affiliation, because you definitely need to love in order to care for such people. So I guess you need to become vulnerable too.

I guess I had grown attached to one or two of the men I took care of.
Shed tears on a clinical posting for the first time.

This reflective writing is dedicated to the speedy recovery of Mr. W.

Halfway there (2)

One more step closer to Ang Mo Kio from Bishan!

Mommy came over to help me move. We did cleaning at the new place this morning and we're now back to packing after having our lunch.
She works fast, she knows what to do when it comes to cleaning, unlike me. Wonder what will I be doing now if she hadn't come.

It's gonna be a long day, much to do. 
Happy to spend some mother and son time together now!

Haiku of Infatuations

Acted like a fool

when I met and wanted Shoes,

David on a roof?

Those shoes so unique,

she drives the right way like me;

Not sure how she speaks.

Found a pair of Gloves

that would touch lives as will mine,

A face caught my eye.

Those gloves feel so warm,

she speaks the same words like me;

Not sure how she drives.

My heart- four spaces;

Room for only one person,

if I choose to love.

Come to a crossroad,

Left or right each cons and pros;

Not sure where to go.

Wedding- simple day,

Marriage- ever going race,

Love must never sway.

© Joel Yap

Passions

Something I learned in church this morning: to have passion for something is to be willing to suffer for it.

Meaning if you believe in something true, you'd take risks, endure hardships and perhaps even die for it since the truth in which your belief lies may be really worth your life or more. That is passion. It drives you.


I have a newly developed interest in photography.
Found myself spending almost half the afternoon editing a few images when I was(am still) supposed to be preparing for an important presentation as well as a skill assessment, both taking place tomorrow.

If I were to have a passion for photography, those hours spent were certainly worth the pictures in my hard drive produced today. Here's one on my Tumbly blog.
However my passion in nursing should come before photography. Or at least the responsibility as a student should have kept me away from my photo editing software for that time being.

It's all about timing.

Reminding myself to be aware of priorities- Studies before hobbies.

If I had a passion for nursing, I'd be willing to suffer for it.
I should not let a passion for photography lead to any suffering in my studies at all.

Remember, Joel!