Sunday, September 25

Ace

Since elementary school, I had always been an average student. Or at times fell slightly below average but nothing bad enough to worry about.

You must know, I enjoyed examinations while others dreaded them. However, only because of the temporal cease of lessons in the classroom and thus schoolwork as well. I liked exams but never really studied just for the sake of scoring. As young as a child, I had witnessed peers losing freedom and playtime, each time a test was round the corner. I could not be with my best friends, before and during an exam period since their parents grounded them as if they were being prepared for war.

Not trying to boast here, but I never could see the need to study hard for exams in order to do better than the rest of the class. I have seen the ugliness of unhealthy competitions for good grades. Worse still, more often than not, the competitions were among parents. Poor children suffering and bearing burdens that were placed on their shoulders by the parents who keep on comparing. Ugly, and wrong.

Bearing all these in mind, I always(tried to) fulfilled my responsibilities as a student by making some form of preparations for tests. But I was careful not to revised just to pass the exam, treated everything as a learning process instead. Well, maybe except for the corrupted history syllabus. Anyway, I can confidently say that I went through examinations after examinations without a competing spirit that seeks to be superior to my peers. Again, not trying to boast. By the way, of course some stress and competition is good in a sense that it makes you want to excel, please also do not misunderstand me for condemning anyone.

Alright, before accidentally stepping on someone's tail, I digress.

Since elementary school, I had always been an average student. Or at times fell slightly below average but nothing bad enough to worry about. Yet this blog post is not meant to justify myself at all. Just trying to pen down my thoughts and God-willing, let this be helpful to whomever my words might help.

My results for the semester that just ended are out. And I passed. With flying colours.
This is my first time scoring straight A's. Again, not trying to boast. Nevertheless I am proud and happy since my parents are, besides having been serious about college. I always delighted in receiving my grades, this time I was astonished as well, to see all the aces and distinctions. The very first time.

So I finally got the opportunity to experience this, an all-A's transcript. Glory and thanks to God.
Then after a while passed, "so this is just how it feels? Is this all?". It is merely a reflection of how much one worked for towards obtaining the grades. Some deserve theirs, others do not.

In a nutshell, they're just gradings. Aces make you happy, no doubt. But aces are not worth killing for. Please do not let your grades, or the grades of others affect your life, friendships, etc. etc. At the end of the day I found joy in going through the examination with my peers, and more importantly, offering help to those who needed it. The excitement of having obtained straight aces was(is) nothing compared to the joy of sharing and helping.


Friday, September 23

Innocent J

Apparently there's another bald Mr. J in the ward where I am currently posted to, in a mental hospital.

This is a 22 years old cheerful chap whose mood fluctuates. Contrary to his actual age, he is basically a pre-school child in the head. Having intellectual deficit must be really challenging for his family. Having intellectual deficit makes him a big baby, only too hard to control when he gets upset. Because as a child, and throwing temper tantrums is only natural; as a 22 year-old physically fit person, let's just say it's easier to handle a crying little kid who is of size of a little kid. Well, if I were a parent of such a child I'd be heartbroken to send him or her to be looked after by nurses, among other mentally unwell patients.

To be honest I do question his existence, or at the very least, his condition. How could a loving God let such thing happen to Mr. J? What did the boy do to be born with intellectual deficit? Not that I am in any position to question an almighty God. Just being true and honest here.

For the past week I took the opportunity to build rapport with Mr. J and got to know quite a bit about him. He doesn't speak but is able to communicate with simple sign language. Furthermore he is good with numbers. Apparently he only writes numbers, the only alphabets I was able to make him write were those in his first name. I must admit understanding Mr. J has been quite of a challenge.

He shares his snacks, very few of the patients there are willing to. He smiles and make people do the same. He can like or dislike certain persons, just like all people do. He feels happy when his parents come to visit and would feel sad when they had to leave. For all I care, this boy is just like any other boy out there. If not, better. I've never seen him deliberately hurting another person in the ward, I believe he will never harm intentionally. One night as I tucked Mr. J in to bed, he grabbed my head by holding both my ears and smiled. Appearing to be hugging me. I've seen him doing the same to a few of the nurses in the ward before. This might be how he showed love.

Physical touch. Certainly with no erotic intentions at all. So amazing, so innocent. It got me thinking, I actually fall short of Mr. J in many ways. I envy him in certain areas. Hmmm... He stays true to himself. Happy, angry or sad, you can read it on his face. Want something or not, he wouldn't lie. He doesn't wear masks to appear "social friendly" while I remain a hypocrite for most of the time I am out. He is not likely to be aware of sex so he has the previlige of being innocent whereas I can only ever strive for purity, or try not to lose whatever's remained of mine.

Mr. J is happy to be Mr. J.

Sunday, September 18

Regression

A little boy I wish to be,
'cos a happy one, I used to be.

Fellowship in a joyride
graciously provided for me.
During the hours of happiness,
my heart was ageless.

Words from texts and letters-
were to me, O so precious!
Actions of love and kindness-
every bit, fondly appreciated.

The blessed boy I once was;
is and forever will be
what I wish I'd always be.

© Joel Yap

Tuesday, September 13

Sleep

I had a good enough day today. Thanks to the 10 hour sleep I fortunately had last night.

Slept at 7PM and got up around 5 o'clock this morning. I understand the importance of sleep and was grateful to have had a good one last night. No waking up to urinate, no loud noises, the temperature was just fine, etc. etc.

By the way, usually it is when I am sick that I would be able to sleep this long. Was(am) I about to fall sick?
Anyway, looking forward to the holidays!

Friday, September 2

Foto Friday

A portrait of my mom taken over the week. 
She's on Facebook! Requested for a new profile picture. 
So I gladly offered my services.

Foto Friday


We are beautiful creation; 
Unfortunately, in bondage. 
We still have each other.
Break free!