Scared of You

Your heart turns cold on me-

colder than the snow you see;

Your face turns pale each time

unexpectedly, we meet;

And your fears toward me;

Are these real?

Oblivion of what you think,

no idea how you feel, when you see me.

Are you god, that I must avoid your face?

Is truth more favourable than imagination?

One way to find out- which I dare not take.

For worse, may be true.

I scare you, 

thus I am scared of you.

© Joel Yap

Foto Friday

I am a rose among thorns. Hahaha!

Well, it has been like this for years now, I observe. Grew up with 5 girl cousins, and 1 boy best friend. And I am currently enrolled in a nursing diploma course. You do the thinking. Sorry, I certainly don't mean to insult your intelligence as if you didn't know that nursing is still a female-dominant vocation today.

Does being surrounded by girls do me any good in learning how to be a gentleman?

We climbed

I finally got out for some exercise! Figured I could use some lest I continued to grow horizontally.

Was going to do it with a few friends but due to some errors in communication, or people waking up early, two guys showed up by 8 o'clock this morning. My friend and I waited for about half an hour in his car before deciding to go ahead with the mountain climb without waiting for the rest who were coming at 10 o'clock.

After weeks of a rather sedentary lifestyle, it wasn't easy to start exercising again! My heart was pounding and my lungs were tired. There were many times I wanted to give up albeit it was just a simple hike. I tried convincing my buddy to start heading down for breakfast but somehow we didn't give up so easily. Not that it was such a difficult climb, and not that we reached the top. But it wasn't a cup of tea for me. yet.

Long story cut short for your sakes, we made it to a certain altitude before going for breakfast and I am glad we went for that climb before filling our stomachs. Also glad that we went alone as we would have slowed the team down if we climbed with the other friends. Breakfast was great. The catching up was delightful. I am happy with our morning this day.

When one runs, he or she runs far; when two or three run, they run far. How true!

Who Paid the Penalty

The God responsible for Law

is the same God who paid the Penalty;

He who knew no sin Himself

died a convict- that we are.

The hands that formed the heavens

were the hands that gave us bread;

He breathed life into Adam

but lost His on a tree.

He knows the rotten human Sin,

yet never fails to forgive;

So long as we confess to Him-

our Saviour and our King.

© Joel Yap

Communion

Doesn't the word sound a little holier when compared to "fellowship"?


It has been a few good weeks getting together with loved ones from my hometown, in my hometown, where I am certainly happy to be in. Updating each other on our lives was a great thing to do. Exchanging stories, sharing laughter, sometimes I gladly invite myself to pay for their drinks; sometimes I allow them to pay even more gladly. The fellowship was enjoyable and I wished those days and nights would never end.

Now, here am I in this foreign land, again. Communion is simply not what one would feel comfortable having. Well, at least for me. Every one lives in their respective compartments. You don't cross mine, I won't disturb you. And we each play our part in keeping this society functioning. Privacy is sacred. You wish to be more personal? Get a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Period.
This doesn't apply to everybody though. Okay, maybe I am being a bit too pessimistic and exaggerating.
My point is, one may feel comfortable in just keeping to oneself in a materialistic society that values efficiency.

Fellowship is not an easy task to perform.

Nevertheless I am grateful to have had the opportunity to meet up with friends from back home, in this city. Keeping in touch is so important! We had a good time. And I hope this would continue.

Communion should not be limited to just people you are comfortable to be around with. Thus the difficulty.
But why share when you don't like to? It is contradicting and seems stupid, right?
What else can you do? If you never step out of your comfort zone, your communion table is bound to become smaller and smaller. Sooner or later you'll only have one more seat left- for yourself; because truth be told, not to sound as it I am in old age already, people die. If you do not open up for more to join the table, you'll be left alone by yourself.

However, fellowship is such an intimate word to be used when you're unfamiliar to the people in your surroundings. Well, you'll never get to be around all your favourite people forever, will you? No matter how nice your friends are, there will surely have two or three persons nearby whom you wish never existed in this world. At least one.
The truth is, most of the time you cannot get rid of these people, unfortunately. Therefore your options are:

1. Murder them
2. Flee into exile
3. Accept, and fellowship

Meeting new friends is not something I enjoy doing. But I'm trying.

Where is Pandai?

The Kitten that I rescued last month is out of my house but still on my mind. For the past few mornings, whenever I visit the market or go to the grocery stores nearby, I never failed to keep a lookout for cats in the neighbourhood.

Alas I never succeeded in finding the right cat. In other words, I've never seen Pandai since the time I had to let it go.

I miss Pandai. Can't believe I actually grew attached to a four-legged animal with white fur. Anyway I still pray that the cat is safe and in good hands.

Foto Friday

Until I see you face to face,

I don't know what to feel. 

If I saw you face to face,

I wouldn't know what to say.

Help. I'm in great pain!

Nausea

Academic writing makes me nauseated. You cannot write as you please. There are rules and guidelines to adhere to. And what's worse? You need to write because you do not wish to play a fool when it comes to your GPA.

Nauseated. Wondering how can you finish it and pass with flying colours. Actually, I think I am done. Wrote the conclusion of my paper last night. But the story doesn't end there.


What's even worse? Referencing.

Vomiting now.