Dead or Alive?

My fall

  due to

your reactance

  due to

my haunting

  due to

your retreat

  due to

my dependence

  due to

your love?

Or was it even love?

I, now numb to your absence,

breathe in the knowledge of your death-

my willing-perception.

For it the only way I live;

that you died.

Or else I cannot cope with truth-

your leave.

But how am I supposed to deal

with inconsistencies so real?

You breathe,

when I wish you passed away;

yet I wish not see you die.

Conflicts waging wars

in my impaired mind,

forbids me live free.

Should I view you

as dead or alive?

My heart does not wish to even see you!

Should I think of you

as dead or alive?

© Joel Yap