羊儿 别放弃

来临的路程好艰难，小羊不知能否顺利走完；
牧羊人啊，牧羊人！祢在哪里？
羊儿碰钉子了，跌跌撞撞，迷失方向。

天上的月亮，照亮地上路，希望这点光足以带领羊；
路边的小草长得高，当补充体力与精神的粮食。

前头的道路不好走，但羊儿 别放弃！

© Joel Yap

Foto Friday

Excited about the double decker bus.

ICU posting: Week 1

It has been a rather long week though I felt it went by just a little too quickly. Not sure how to accurately describe the past five days. Anyhow, I still do not know if it is a good thing that it has passed.

Currently doing my internship in the Surgical Intensive Care Unit, a place that functions somewhat differently as compared to the general wards. The way the nurses work there is quite different and has given me tremendous stress for my 12-week posting. Please do not get me wrong for they are excellent nurses! Too good that I realise where my standards are, be it skills wise or in terms of theoretical knowledge.

Could I ever be half as good or fast as them in twelve weeks??

Counting down to PRCP

Just a week left till my first day of my last clinical attachment starts. It seems so surreal, that my final posting or so-called internship is going to take place so soon.

12 weeks. I wonder how will the 12 weeks be like, I wonder every day. Feeling the excitement with a good amount of anxiety. This nervousness is probably due to the new environment as well as the expected increase in responsibilities. Never been to where I will soon be posted to. No wonder the fear!

Nevertheless this is a privilege and I look forward to working in the unit where I am scheduled to report to.


What happens after PRCP? What happens when I take off that nursing student's uniform?

What happens when I take on new roles upon graduation?

Aiya, count down to PRCP first lah!

No stand

Something happened last week, though I find it inconvenient to share too many details of the incident, I wish to pen down some reflections here.

It all started when I got a cut on the thumb while shaving a patient during one of the "less-busy" afternoon shifts. What followed from then turned into a long and chaotic day. Well, maybe not chaotic but let's just say I spent a good few hours away from my usual duties.

The case was brought up to a few different persons from both the hospital and my college. A lecturer came, my clinical instructor was around, and a nurse manager from the ward too got involved somehow. Many phone calls were made that day. I was brought to somewhere that functioned like a staff clinic. And then, the people managing the place got into the picture as well. Basically, I was down to two choices: put the case to rest and everybody pretends nothing happened, or to register myself in the clinic to report a workplace injury. The latter would require me to do a blood test, and a few memos need to be written by the school, the ward, and myself. Cutting a long story short, most of the people with me that day(and a few more on the phone) were split into two sides; sort of pressurising me(although they might not have meant to) to do what each group deemed appropriate. At that point of time I just wished I could either disappear into thin air or go back in time to be more careful while shaving the patient.

When I was with one "group" I began thinking I should do things as they suggested; buy when the other side started speaking I then felt inclined to taking their advice. Stuck in the middle, for nearly an hour there in the clinic.

I took the blood tests in the end because I felt it was the right thing to do since an injury was unarguably sustained and the blade was indeed used. The test results already came out and I am okay. But I realised how indecisive I can be when circumstances become difficult. Why did I not have a ground to stand firm on?

Viscous cycle

Each day before my shift starts I think I get myself ready for work. I shower, get dressed and occasionally prepare sandwiches. I am reminded to read up on some topics related to my current posting but often decide to do it on the train.
As I travel from where I live to where I work I indulge myself in my favourite music playing through the earphones.
When I reach the ward I find myself feeling lost and often a little bored during the first hour upon arrival.
Then a senior nurse or the clinical instructor comes along to check how am I doing, and never once fail to open up my eyes to see how lacking in clinical knowledge I am.
For the rest of the shift I will repeat to myself what I require to research or read up on.
On the way back from work I enjoy my favourite music once again.
By the time I reach the house, academics and clinical stuff are conveniently tossed out of my mind. I tell myself to prepare for the next day, the next day.

Foto Friday

Taken on the way home from Ipoh today,

had a good week of rest and fellowship.

Really glad to have taken my break this way.

Foto Friday

... but Mommy, I want to go out to play.

Foto Friday

Sometimes I like being in the picture when I'm supposed to be relevant. 
Sometimes I prefer staying out of focus, or even out of frame. 
Most of the time I enjoy standing behind the camera capturing moments for for others.

Into the grey area

Not really crossing lines, more of like sticking my head out and risk facing possible disciplinary actions.

I am currently posted to an orthopaedic ward. It is just Day 2 and I feel like I have started this clinical posting walking along the grey.

One of the patients was just wheeled into the ward upon having undergone a shoulder surgery. Surprisingly he was awake and walking about as soon we got him changed and checked up. Another student nurse gave him his painkillers via injection, and he was advised to rest in bed as the medication might cause drowsiness. However the man insisted on walking albeit being warned not to. The staff were busy, everyone was doing their own thing and the nurse responsible for the patient who was just wheeled in instructed me to stay close to the man lest he suffered from a fall. And I did so, but he started walking towards the elevator! My patient wanted to go out for a walk. We even met his doctor on the way out. At that point of time I knew it was impossible to consult the staff nurse because her patient would have gone down and out by the time I ran back into the ward, even if I were to beg him to wait. I did not really bother asking the doctor as he would not wish to bear the responsibility had he agreed to let the patient get out of the ward this soon after surgery.

What were my choices, standing along 6 working elevators with a patient who was adamant on taking a walk outside? I decided to follow the man out despite knowing the fact that his intentions were probably for a cigarette break. So, there I was, walking a patient out of hospital grounds, to smoke, though the only smoke I inhaled was secondhand. He even took out his cigarette before stepping out of the hospital gates. Great, now I even got caught on security camera footage.

I do not regret doing what I did. What else could I have done? A fellow student nurse got the rest of my patients in the ward covered. The best chance I had of making sure the smoker patient did not fall, was to follow and stay close to him even though he was stepping out of the hospital for a cigarette. Today, the patient is alert and walking well. He took his cigarette breaks without needing anyone to accompany him anymore. And I am getting to know him better through our conversations and my reading of his case file.

Today, a different patient asked me for a favour- to buy him lottery! He gave me a bunch of numbers and some cash. And I went to buy the 4D tickets as instructed(correctly, I hope!) after the end of my shift.


Clinical postings. New experiences, new challenges, some of them weird at times.

Food for Thought: Sabah and Sarawak

Today in history: Sabah, Sarawak, Singapore and Malaya came together to form Malaysia.
Today: Sabah and Sarawak remain with Malaysia. For 49 years already, but really, are they a part of us?

Have Sabah and Sarawak truly united with the Peninsula? Pardon me but as far as I can tell by my still very young mind and limited knowledge, I do not see the two Malaysian states integrated well with the rest of the states on the federal level. For all I know, it might be so for a reason. So that the people here can use the people there.

May I please use one simple example- giving up PPSMI. After so much unnecessary fuss, our wise and farsighted government decided to let the medium of teaching Mathematics and Science revert back from English to Bahasa Melayu. Why? To help the Bumiputeras! Rural Sabahans and Sarawakians are already having a hard learning, forcing them to learn in English makes education even tougher.

Wow, the government was protecting rural Bumiputeras? That's nice, because I am used to hearing news of Sabah and Sarawak natives being exploited by none other than the government itself.

Too often have the names of Sabah and Sarawak been used to serve political purposes. Everybody claims they are protecting them, however in the various levels of ruling within Malaysia, we know that most of the power seems to be from the Peninsula. However, why does the majority of parliamentary seats come from Sarawak?

Just a thought to ponder on. I did not mean to cause anyone to be overly solemn or angry.

Today let us celebrate Malaysia. Continue to work towards unity. Don't you dare celebrate 1Malaysia for it is nothing more than an empty and blatantly abused slogan. Celebrate Malaysia, celebrate unity. Forget 1Malaysia and open your eyes to what the empty slogan has done to our country. Start helping people and doing good deeds daily. This is how a nation progresses- by citizens helping each other in need. Sabah and Sarawak do not need our discrimination, they certainly do not need to be used by politicians who claim to be helping them.

Sejahtera Malaysia.

Foto Friday

Pair these with some red socks and you'll see all the colours on the Jalur Gemilang!

My heart shall remember where it belongs no matter where my feet will stand.

Foto Friday

A girl wearing the Malaysian flag on her head 

while her brother wears a part of it on his. 

At Kluang this morning. 

Merdeka?

"Merdeka, merdeka, merdeka..." some people were shouting at the stroke of midnight.

Merdeka is a Malay word which means independence, or freedom. Indeed this land ceased being an English colony on this very day in the year 1957, therefore we were free ever since in that sense.

Are we truly independent today? Have we broken away from the barriers that were set among the races? Are we free from extortion by the people in power?

By the way, August 31 is not Malaysia's Independence Day. And each time we behave as if it were, we are insulting Sabah and Sarawak, ignoring them as part of Malaysia. So, as you celebrate Independence Day, ask yourselves "What am I celebrating exactly?" and "Is this nation truly free?"

I shall just enjoy the public holiday, and free parking if I can find any. I shall take time to appreciate as well as to forgive our forefathers for all that they had contributed to make Malaysia what it is today. However, nothing can make me celebrate this day as Malaysia's Independence Day.

Banning hawkers to curb obesity?

I DON'T ALWAYS read the mainstream newspapers, but I did so this morning. As I usually find, the first few pages were quite full of shit somehow dedicated to praising the Government for its good work apart from other important news.

After reading for some good fifteen minutes, I couldn't help but to reread this particular news report on a directive made in one of our states, banning unlicensed hawkers from doing business within a 40-metre radius from each school compound. And this is the fun part- to curb obesity among students! Hello, near or away from schools aside, why were illegal hawkers allowed to set up stalls in the first place?

Okay, let us thank the local authorities for being such merciful and easygoing law enforcers. How understanding of them! So, that grace is about to come to an end. From now on only licensed stall owners would be allowed to carry on with their businesses near schools. Illegal hawkers, do not cry yet. Since the authorities are known to be such nice people, I do not think it would be difficult to apply for a licence to sell snacks near schools. Anyway, just my humble opinion.

However, those who wish to sell food or continuing selling food near schools must "adopt strict hygiene practices and not sell junk food," as reported in The Star.

Among the items that cannot be sold by licensed hawkers are all types of sweets, chocolate, pickled tidbits, foodstuffs with artificial colouring, preservatives and alcohol, those resembling lipstick and rings, and products that come with free gifts like balloons and picture cards.
Also discouraged are burgers, sausages, nuggets, ice-cream and carbonated drinks.

Wah! They banned sweets, chocolates, foods with artificial colouring, etc. Oh, even any product that comes with free gifts like balloons and picture cards. What if a particular product happens to come with a free gift but is not junk food? Also, ice-cream and carbonated drinks are discouraged. I may not hold a bachelor's degree in Chemistry or Food Science, but I believe most ice-creams and carbonated drinks contain artificial colouring, must I look it up on Wikipedia to be sure of this? "Foodstuffs with artificial colouring" cannot be sold, but ice-cream and carbonated drinks are discouraged. That made sense, if I were really stupid. Next, If hawkers outside the school compound are not allowed to sell snacks that fall into the category of banned items as listed, I assume that the school canteen owners ought to adhere to similar if not stricter regulations; I might be curious enough to make a trip to one of the affected schools to see how this directive is implemented. Haha! No sweets ah? Maybe no more sausages and nuggets along with your nasi lemak? Maybe no more carbonated drinks?? Oh, I would most certainly like to see how all these can be done.

To be frank, if I were an illegal hawker operating near a school, upon reading the news today I would simply carry on with my business, just outside the prohibited 40-metre radius. At least that could keep the students happy and give them a little exercise of walking an extra few steps. By the way, I might even achieve more than their Physical Education(Pendidikan Jasmani) teachers.

Banning unlicensed hawkers from schools to manage obesity? That's cute; Why not stick to the less-creative but more effective methods like providing education and raising awareness among students on the importance of staying fit?

Babies

A family member passed away last week coincidentally during a long weekend on which a public holiday fell on Sunday. A simple memorial service was conducted during that Sunday night followed by a funeral the next morning. The deceased, my late aunt was considered quite senior in the family, and probably also due to the fact that it was a funeral during a long weekend, many relatives came back to pay their respects.

Now is a time in my extended family where there is an exciting number of babies blooming. ALL of my cousins are working adults. Many of them just got married within a decade and they are doing a good job multiplying. When everybody gets together, Grandpa's house becomes lively and filled with food; now we can add milk powder to the list. I spent the long weekend observing the little children and babies. Not forgetting the happy adults, by the way. It seems to be fun having babies around the house, as far as I could tell. Haha.

Now, the funeral is over, so is the holiday. People are moving on and getting back to their work and routines. I spent the rest of the week thinking about how is life like raising children. There must be a great deal of responsibilities that I could not possibly observe in just one weekend however long the weekend might be. I did not see any babies pooping in their pants, all had diapers on though; but I am quite certain that they do not wear diapers 24-7. Have you any idea how much those things cost? I, for one, would use washable napkins in the house. God save me if I do not learn from my mother how to wash them as I sometimes have trouble doing my own laundry now (it could be just laziness). I did not see any parents bathing their child(ren). This is an area that I have not really explored, during my 2-week paediatrics posting to a hospital in Singapore only one mother allowed my to bathe her newborn girl, under the guidance of my clinical instructor. Do I really look so dangerous? Hahaha! Hope I do not drown my own baby one day.

What about other responsibilities besides mundane matters such as cleaning and grooming? The thought of raising children to become good men and women seems frightening to me at this point of time. Anybody can make babies and feed them, but parenting is a whole different story. What if my children grow up and pick up all my bad traits and/or habits? What if they become a nuisance instead of a blessing to society? What if my Peter Parker decides to become Venom? What if my Skywalker succumbs to the Dark Side and never turns back to restore balance to The Force? I wonder why was I so skeptical or worried. Lack of faith or just being realistic(except for raising Parker and Skywalker), maybe a mixture of both. Looking at the way my life, money and time are organised, I most certainly do not view myself as a worthy candidate of being a father now. Haha!

Now I am child-free, however will a time come when I am eventually ready for fatherhood but cannot bear children with my wife? Whatever the reason may be. Why am I worrying about this when I am not even dating yet?

There are married couples out there who might desire children but cannot bear their own, I believe. Child-free or childless? Well, I am open to adoption, personally, although I wish I can have the privilege of not needing to turn to that option one day.

Foto Friday

Picture of my good friend, the first image processed on my new notebook.

I'm happy for the change. Cheers to better photos!

Registered

To the post office today, I went.

Although it bewilders me why the granting of voter statuses still cannot be automatic in Malaysia, why are we not eligible to cast our votes in elections upon turning twenty-one, I went to register myself as a voter this afternoon. While waiting for my turn, something that someone once said a few years ago just came to mind. I remembered a minister who made a comment stating that the lacking of non-Malays in civil defence is because they are less patriotic. I know I could let this go and not bring it up here in this blog. Well, this particular minister was being plain stupid or irresponsible for the least, by making such a remark. No need to mention names lah. I give him face.

Patriotism can be displayed in many forms. Entering the public service does not validate one's loyalty to his or her country.

What about voting? Does it display patriotism? I wish to make one point here as a kind reminder, hope this is not what you do not yet know. Nevertheless you should understand if you have not already do. Allegiance to the government does not equate allegiance to the country! It is a citizen's duty to choose a capable government to rule the land. Wittingly supporting a corrupt government is tantamount to betraying the country, in my humble opinion. And being indifferent is not any better.

In a democratic society, it is every man's responsibility to decide which people can be in voted into office. And doing so is not that daunting a task at all. It can be as simple as taking some time to look around, see what has the people in power been doing for the nation, and from there evaluate if they have the ability and integrity to continue serving the rakyat.It can be as simple as being a little more concerned about benefit of the country rather than believing that whatever happens at 'their' level does not affect the daily lives of average civilians.

I do not tell you which government you should be supporting. However I must say that being a responsible citizen can be as easy as registering yourself as a voter. Come elections, when you are called to vote; vote, with the future of Malaysia in mind.

Foto Friday

Joel Yap supports the movement for free and fair elections

because they are a fundamental characteristic 

of a democratic society. 

Clean elections must be upheld 

to ensure that the Government is indeed by the People!

Hidup Bersih! Hidup Rakyat!

Foto Friday

Perhaps not every one of us will become nurses, 

but one thing is for sure:

We're all gonna say goodbye soon. 

This is just a 3-year course; 

each came with a reason (I hope) 

and all have various goals. 

To a meaningful future! 

Go create better tomorrows.

Friday Food for Thought

*The bells ring* School starts back in Malaysia for those under 18. "Good morning, teacher..." as the pupils start their day.

Not long later in the near future, bells will no longer be the only things that ring in between periods, as students may be allowed to bring in their mobile phones along into classrooms. Is this a good thing?

Mobile phones in schools, just like many other things, are not by itself good or bad. Take for example narcotic drugs, that can be put to good use in relieving pain but might be subject to abuse if fallen into the wrong hands. I do not own a smart phone, which frustrates me whenever I need to look up the Internet for information during a lesson. What tends to frustrate me more is when I forget what I wanted to find out by the end of the lesson. If a student could enjoy the privilege of having an access to the Internet in his or her pocket, imagine the benefits! Knowledge literally at their finger tips. Well, it depends on how this privilege is utilised lah, of course.

The argument regarding pros and cons of students bringing their mobiles to school will probably never end, at least for now. Food for though: Aren't they already doing it?
Maybe our teachers and school administrators had not been quite observant. Either that or this generation of students have grown to become smarter than mine. Haha, I remember being caught for bringing a mobile phone to school when I was fourteen. The discipline master confiscated the device for a few days and returned it back. Did that stop me from doing the same thing thereafter? Something for you to think about! Haha!

The problem of mobile phones in school compounds are already there. The problem of peer pressure, the differences between rich and poor, and the list goes on, these are already in our school; with or without mobile devices allowed in. Why the hassle in arguing whether lifting the ban will do more harm or good?

Here, I shall refrain from expressing my views on whether students' mobile devices should be allowed in schools or not. Nevertheless I wish to draw attention to the purpose behind the ongoing debate and drama with regards to the matter of mobile phones in schools. Does it enhance or impede learning? Can it enhance learning? Are our students matured and responsible enough in using the technology they enjoy? Are they taught about such responsibilities?

Foto Friday

Such lights would be useless in daylight;

Such lights couldn't be set up without daylight.

Debate

Can Malaysia have more matured debaters and audiences, please?

There is so much to be discussed that can benefit everyone. Why use debates as a platform to attack each other? We are all Malaysians.
 

Everything in Colour - Cantelon

All around new mercies wait Every moment is a movement of grace
All around new mercies wait
Every moment is a movement of grace

The world comes alive
You have opened my eyes
Everything I see is in colour

No more black and white
Because I've seen the light
Everything I see is in colour

Ben Cantelon

Eye pain lah

These days, reading the news has become an activity more and more difficult to carry out. Just today, I read of an MP accusing Dato Ambiga of going against the king. Because of Bersih 3.0?? Walao eh! Did Ambiga single-handedly organise the rally for free and fair elections? Our dear MP wants Ambiga to be hanged, what about the others who were responsible for Bersih 3.0 as well? And besides the organisers, the April 28 rally couldn't have taken place without its participants. Shouldn't the rakyat who were present be sentenced to the rope also?

Hang everybody lah!

Sigh, ever since Bersih 3.0 took place, it has been two sides making accusations about each other. Even the Bar Council and Dr. M have appeared to be on a little skirmish.

Some people started making burgers in front of a vegetarian's house. Sell them at the rallies mah! If I were a stall owner near the Dataran Merdeka, I'd be happily making money on the eve of April 28. You can see from the pictures that the place was already crowded with people on that Friday night. Business affected? Big losses? Excuses.


Need I go on?

Just focus on working towards clean elections, will all of you please?
 

Foto Friday

Malaysians: 

Malaysia is in your hands.

Yours sincerely,
Malaysian.

When ignorance is a blessing

We live in a capitalistic world, where values of materialism is drilled into the members of our society regardless of age, gender and race.

We judge by appearance; I learned that stuff on the outside matters from the tender age of God-knows-when. We value prestige over character, more often than we wish we did. And more than often, prestige is highly associated with fortune.

We know to compare the stuff we use and the services we pay for.
Your neighbour wears Crocodile while you wear Bata, why should you be feeling ashamed at all? Think about it. If you rightfully earned the money to purchase your shoes just like your neighbour did, why should you be feeling inadequate when you walk down the streets together? Blame it all on Capitalism? Or the shallow human mind?

O! What a blessing it would be if one could be ignorant to branding.

Foto Friday

Weak and weary now I've become.

Help

Friday Food for Thought: Simple truth about crime

Whenever people criticise Malaysia because it is not safe, please give yourself a minute to respond rather than being so eager to agree. Let me ask you, where can you find a country with zero crime? If such a nation existed, let me tell you, it can only be because it had either no law or no presence of man.

Of course, I am aware that my country has its flaws. This cannot be an excuse for the relevant authorities to work less hard in fighting crime.

Aku faham, aku pun sedih; tetapi jangan lah mengutuk negeri sendiri semacam warga asing.

Friday Food for Thought: Very terrible lah...

This country where I was(am) from is so disappointing... Mana boleh? How can such things happen? See, the way that things are in this hopeless place!


I don't want to stay in this place, okay? Every time I hear the news, I feel so embarrassed to let people know about my nationality. I wish to further my career overseas, settle down but maybe not give up my citizenship status; so I may pay less tax in both places, and can be able to return to Malaysia for a good retirement.

You had these thoughts, so have I; but I choose not to act on my feelings.

You may be unhappy about policies that seem to deprive some people of certain benefits due to ethnicity. You may not be happy to see racism at nearly every level in society, which explains the decades of racist prejudice and behaviour in all races. You are not pleased to know that the neighbour's children are receiving the scholarships even though yours may be performing better academically and possibly in every other areas.

You might feel ashamed when people laugh at the Ministry of Defence. You hear stories of deaths of National Service trainees, poor implementation of the NS programme, et cetra, et cetra, et cetra. You wonder why you feel scared whenever you see policemen because you ought to be feeling safe, ideally. You probably are, like me, pissed off when you see downright injustice happening in the country. The rich stepping extorting the poor. You should be angry to know that corruption is all over the place, and the "big fishes" never get caught. You need to feel afraid when you can not have confidence in our Judiciary, be it because the Court of Law lacks either power or impartiality.

Five decades of alleged fraud in elections make you unmotivated to see and/or to work towards any positive change in Malaysia. Change which Malaysia is in dire need of.

You lost hope. In the process you may have lost some memory too. This nation, albeit its many imperfections, has however in one way or another, groomed you to become who you are this day. If you were educated in Malaysia, did you forget about your education? Yes, the system has its many flaws, of which I am very unsatisfied about too, but no education is bad education. If you were born in Malaysia, did you forget about the various vaccinations you received? Yes, I am aware that the healthcare system has a lot of space for improvement, but has it occurred to you that there are a lot of barriers to healthcare reforms? What I write here are merely quick examples of the good the Government has done for me despite my frustrations, that I can think of. Are you capable of being grateful? Did you do anything to helpful to remove your eyesores?

If you simply do not care, I must say, please do not complain about the country since you practically did nothing to contribute to her development. If you can forget how much you have gained from where you came(come) from, how come you are somehow able to describe in detail all your losses as if the country owes you? You want to leave Malaysia for greener pastures and return in your retirement. You are smart. Earn more money and come back here for the various benefits you enjoy but fail to acknowledge or appreciate. For example, highly subsidised fuel. Anyway you are probably aware that you might have no place to call home once you give up your citizenship for another.

I do not ask you to remain in Malaysia all your life and never leave the country, nor am I trying in any way to convince you that the Government is better than you think it is; I only implore that you be a responsible citizen. It is not very difficult. At the very least, please do not badmouth the country lah. By the way, if you do not cast your vote into the ballot box to decide whom you want to govern and run the country, my opinion is that you have absolutely no right to express any form of resentment when things go wrong. Say, if the candidate I voted for wins and screws up, I can be disappointed; if the candidate whom I did not vote for wins and screws up, I can feel displeasure. However if I did not make my choice, again I say that I have no right to any regret or dissatisfaction.

Rather than harping on what can the country do for you, start considering what you can do for the country!

Foto Friday

That bowl of cendol can cool your throat
That bowl of cendol quenches thirst
Try it with a loved one
You’ll wanna have some more

Argh!

The word is "cite" instead of "citate".


The word is "teacher" rather than "..cher"
By the way, they do have names.

Phew! Now I got it off my chest. These stuff give me slight increases in blood pressure, you know?

Foto Friday

That ring, a simple thing-
it means only death shall make us part.
So small; bearing such significance.

Will I be worthy of putting on that ring for you?
A real man- no less than what it takes.
A lifetime commitment- no more than what you require.

Whoever you may be.

Seniors

To the seniors who share the same citizenship but were born decades earlier, thank you for coming out on 28 April. My generation has so much to learn from yours. 

For being a good role model and for showing that you care, thank you!
My appreciation extends to those who care but were not able to join us for health reasons.

My Bersih 3.0 experience

Across the causeway, I started making my way to Johore Baru alone on the eve of Duduk Bantah Bersih 3.0, on foot, with some help by a printed image from Google Maps. My journey from Singapore began at around 5 o'clock. Why so early? This is because I was unsure of how the situation would be like; people were disallowed from entering Kuala Lumpur on July 9 last year, so... Why walk? From JB Sentral, all the way to Dataran Bandaraya whilst looking at a little map, because I had never been to the place before. With on my back only a pouch, DSLR body and two simple lenses, there I went walking in excitement.

By the time I reached my destination it was already dark, at least I had the pleasure to enjoy an amazing view of the evening sky on the way. Dataran Bandaraya was quiet and empty except for a few local hawkers selling dinner and supper just outside(I assume they do their businesses there every night). Was not interested in their food, I went exploring the area since I had already travelled this far. Sat down in a 24-hour Mamak shop nearby for some dinner and rest, partly because Lee Chong Wei was playing(and he won, by the way) in a badminton match which aired live on Astro. After that I tried entering a hotel just behind Dataran Bandaraya. Managed to wash up and rested on one of their sofas for the night. Please do not ask me how I bathed! In the end I was hinted to leave by a staff at about 4 o'clock in the morning, I then washed up again before going back to the Mamak shop for a drink. Then it was all walking back and forth between the shop and the rally venue for the next few hours- until my uncle, cousin and friends reached Johore Baru. They picked me up to grab some lunch.

Under the scorching heat, we joined with some fellow participants who were at a junction between Jalan Sungai Chat and Jalan Skudai, where we then waited as more gathered. Holding up homemade banners and punching fists into the air, we cheered together and many who drove along the main road honked in support. Everyone was getting warmed up for what was about to take place. The numbers grew, it was time to march to Dataran Bandaraya; and we did so enthusiastically, chanting "Bersih!"

It was when we reached Dataran Bandaraya that I realised we were only probably one-third of the whole crowd, many had already gathered at the rally point. I am incapable of describing with words how it felt to be among so many fellow Malaysians physically present to demand for clean and fair elections. The atmosphere was so delightful that I had long forgotten how exhausted I was from all the walking as well as lack of sleep. The gathering was rather peaceful, thanks to the cooperation between our organisers and police personnel. I am proud and confident in saying this: There was no act of violence or provocation. Well, some sort of football tournament was ongoing at the same venue since morning though. And I must say, seeing a rock band perform at a football or any other sporting event was definitely something new for me. I was amused by how the volume on their public announcement system seemed to increase as our cheering and chanting got louder. Certainly spoilers. Never mind not supporting Bersih, never mind refusing to tune down, heck, never mind singing and screaming to a bunch of football players or else into the air; but I could not tolerate it when they carried on with their music as we sang Negaraku. Any sensible person ought to know to respect a national anthem, no less his or her own country's. Shame on those who disrespected Negaraku. Nevertheless I decided not to take pictures of the band members, for their own sakes.

Duduk Bantah carried on with the sounds of our supporting cheers and disturbing live music in the air. Personally I did not mind the music too much as I could hear the speeches. On a side note, if I were organising such a rally to protest against dirty elections, I would brief my leaders and colleagues to be careful with their words. Not to shout out anything anti-government lest anybody claim the rally to be hijacked by the opposition. This is just my humble opinion: Organisers and participants need to be clearly about what they are rallying for. Ideally, Bersih, just as the Election Commission, is supposed to be apolitical. Anyway I was happy we had a peaceful crowd that made a peaceful rally.

Rubbish bags were distributed at the end of the JB Bersih 3.0 rally. By the way, the live music was still on, the lead singer must have had a very powerful voice; that could make him a potential politician or protest organiser one day. Well, I was more impressed to see both Bersih organisers and supporters alike, picking up trash while taking pictures together before leaving the venue. To clean up the place as we demanded for the EC to clean up the electoral roll, it was that symbolic to me. So we collected rubbish into the black plastic bags provided before adjourning from the area; okay, to be honest I did not pick up much as I was busy taking pictures.

The day ended with some coconut juice before my uncle, cousin and friends headed back to Kluang. I then went to wait for a bus to take me to somewhere near the Johore Baru customs complex; having been told that there were such buses. However, to a pleasant surprise, I bumped into the event organisers. Another round of coconut juice! It was such an honour to be seated at the same table with these people- a group of committed Malaysians doing this for my generation and my children's generation. I was encouraged and blessed. And they were so kind to give me a ride to where I needed to go to.

28 April 2012. The day I stood up straight and sang the National Anthem with utmost pride. The day I sat down in protest against unfair elections. And I was not alone. It was a reminder and encouragement that age and race are not a hindrance towards fighting for a better Malaysia.

What a day!

Foto Friday

Joya's photos?

In the middle of the night. Struggling to focus on studying for a little test that is about to take place the next day(today), I find myself browsing through the photographs I have taken. And I find myself asking, "Erm, did I take this? Yeeew, did I take that?"

Looking at mainly the exposures, then cropping, then colours. I wonder if I should take down some of the photos that are currently available at Joya Photography's blog and Facebook page.

Nevertheless all these could mean that I am better at what I do now, maybe. Please feel free to leave comments on some of my photos, would seriously appreciate your feedback.
 

Privileged

To be selected, chosen, picked, to be placed in a group of elites. It is a privilege.

I am more than blessed to receive this privilege for I did nothing much to deserve such an honour, to be placed among the elites, so-to-say. Not trying to boast here, recently I had been enlisted in a few programmes which are not open to all students in my cohort. As a matter of fact, I estimate that there were less than 30 students in one of the programmes; and less than 40 in another. Of course there have also been other prestigious groups that I had no chance of joining, by the way.

Things are changing; prayers being answered. This year is going to be an exciting one. Alas, so will the challenges ahead be even tougher than before. Many good things shall come but not unless my worth is proven.

Privileged, and very stressed! At times, I do feel like quitting, frankly speaking.

If I Have Not Thanked You

It is the Third Day of my journey;

you have long let go of my hands

from before Day One.

Do I resent you?

Have I the right to?

Thank you, if I have not thanked you,

for holding on and not giving up

throughout the previous trials of mine.

Why should I hate you

for fearing my true colours?

Why should I keep score-

how we cared for each other?

Love keeps no records of wrongdoings;

neither should it compare acts of kindness.

I stood naked and vulnerable,

counting on your strength;

you could no longer carry on,

hence gave me the right to anger.

But where is my right to blame?

If I have not thanked you, thank you.

© Joel Yap

Friday Food for Thought

Men is evil, therefore no government can be perfect since no government can exist without men, and women for that matter. Congratulations on coming to terms with the knowledge that our country can not be free from corruption.

My tanah air's 13th general election is nigh. I sigh because I can only vote in the next round. When the day comes for me to cast my vote, I need to remember that I would only be choosing the less-evil candidate as there is no and will not be a perfect one to contest for office. The governance of a country can never be ideal simply because man is imperfect.

Food for thought.

 

Foto Friday

Standing tall. 

It is not an easy challenge 

in a world such as this.

Sigh

If we had clean and fair elections already, another call for clean and fair elections would be redundant, would it not? May there be no need for a third Bersih rally.

So why are there still no electoral reforms? Sigh, maybe nobody wants to give in. If the government maintains that the current electoral systems are fine, reformation is not necessary. Nothing wrong, therefore no need for reforms- perfectly logical. Of course, to each his own definition of "fine". Yes, maybe no one wishes to give in and admit their mistakes. It is never easy for one to own up to his faults, this is a simple fact that can be observed from throughout human history to simple everyday life.

I pray for all the nonsense to stop and wish not to see a need for another rally no matter how much I look forward to take part in one of a worthy cause.

Foto Friday

PLKN

Excellence? (part 2)

My brothers and I went to play L4D2 again last night. This time no more Versus, we played as a team in Survival mode. Still, I felt inadequate.

Was committing too many friendly-fires because of my lack of accuracy or was one of my friends too stupid to walk into lines of fire? Anyhow I felt that my performance was still under par.
Enough of first person shooter games, I just played Tetris a minute ago and lost pretty badly. Is neurological deterioration kicking in extra early for me?

To stop being so skeptical, I began thinking of areas I am excellent in. Studies came to mind. Well, don't talk about last time lah. I believe I am doing quite well now, by the way. Not to boast in how great I am or whatever, but I can fairly say that my academic results, currently, are nothing to complain about. Good news, yay!
However, it is also nothing much to shout about. I do, in fact, have certain advantages. Most of my course mates who are older than I am probably have language difficulties; while the rest who possess a similar, if not better proficiency in English- the teaching medium used in my college, are likely to be younger than me. Moreover, not all my course mates are academically bright. I am not calling anybody stupid. Just saying that I might just be smarter than a few of the people I study with. Again, not something to be boastful about, I never look down on my friends.

My point is, what is there to be proud of in winning battles when you stand on higher ground?


May I never take pride in being better just because of whatever advantages I might have been blessed with, or because the competitors are less equipped.

Yes, I am grateful for wherever I am standing today in my academics; but I am not proud because of the lack of worthy opponents. Excellent in studies? I still don't think so.

Excellence?

Just came home from a few hours of LAN gaming. Feeling sorry because it seems that every team that has me as a member loses, this observation was consistent across at least two video games.

A few ex-classmates of mine gathered for supper followed by a visit to a local cybercafe for some "fingers-exercises". We played Left4Dead 2 in versus mode. Whenever I joined the good guys, the good guys lost; as I became one of the zombies, the good guys won. Not trying to complain here, and of course I have better things to do than to announce in this blog that I am no good at computer games! But I noticed that my video gaming skills and reflexes have deteriorated. Besides, it's not that I used to be unbeatable at it. Just saying.

I seem to always have been mediocre at most of the things I did, probably still am now. Take a look at guitar playing, singing, writing, speaking, basketball, etc.

As of now my greatest interest is photography. Purchased quite a bit of equipment already, considering the hobby being rather new. However I tend to just let all my gear rest in the store room, and leave them waiting to be taken out and put to use. I do realise I am not a full-time photographer and may probably never become one, but the amount of money spent on the camera can sometimes seem like a waste as I start to see how often do I actually shoot. How much practice does it take to make a good photographer? Will I ever get there? And where is there?

Is the Phlegmatic temperament a curse? How do you see the fine balance between contentment and complacency?

Foto Friday

Isn't it unfair that a man is allowed only one path?

God is just!

Yet here am I, complaining about the crossroads ahead.

Wouldn't a life without sacrifices be meaningless.

Of traffic lights and character

You know, the purpose of traffic lights on the road is not to dictate when do you start moving or stop; but to control traffic and prevent accidents on the roads. Traffic lights were placed on the roads for benefits of the road users- drivers, cyclists and pedestrians. Creating and maintaining a certain system in which road users from a certain direction got to move while the rest from all other sides stopped and waited. With traffic lights, we each take turns to move as well as stop moving, depending on the colour lit.

So I guess we all know traffic lights are in place to control traffic. Therefore I conclude that they become purposeless when there is no traffic, theoretically.

I believe in the point which I just made in the statement above. And I happen to enjoy driving in the late hours of the night. When there is a negligible number of cars on the road, I do not think it would be necessary to let traffic lights control how people drive, as long as everybody is safe.
Take an example, you are alone on the lane where the light shining is red. There is no one from the direction where the green light is on. It would seem redundant to wait until your light turns green when you can just go ahead and drive off as you know you would not be knocking anyone or anything for that matter, since the traffic is clear.
Why the need to drive as instructed by the traffic lights when there is no traffic?

Growing up, I never liked following rules blindly. If you wanted me to abide by certain instructions and guidelines I had to understand and agree with whatever was being set. This is just a personal value that I proudly adopt although I am not saying that what I do is absolutely right and everyone in this world ought to do likewise.

However, is breaking the law the right thing to do albeit it being consistent with your value system?

Upon an intrapersonal debate, I have decided that stopping in front of a "purposeless" red light on an empty street may just be the right thing to do despite the conflicts with whatever I believe in. Character is about doing what is right no matter what you think and what others might think about you. Next, character is about doing the right thing even when no one is watching; especially when no one is watching.

Because it is the right thing to do, tonight I decide to stop whenever the red light shines no matter the traffic.

Foto Friday

In life, not every path is a straight and easy one to take.

Many times, you need to take steps of faith forward before you see what is to come.

And you never know where is the end anyway.

Scared of You

Your heart turns cold on me-

colder than the snow you see;

Your face turns pale each time

unexpectedly, we meet;

And your fears toward me;

Are these real?

Oblivion of what you think,

no idea how you feel, when you see me.

Are you god, that I must avoid your face?

Is truth more favourable than imagination?

One way to find out- which I dare not take.

For worse, may be true.

I scare you, 

thus I am scared of you.

© Joel Yap

Foto Friday

I am a rose among thorns. Hahaha!

Well, it has been like this for years now, I observe. Grew up with 5 girl cousins, and 1 boy best friend. And I am currently enrolled in a nursing diploma course. You do the thinking. Sorry, I certainly don't mean to insult your intelligence as if you didn't know that nursing is still a female-dominant vocation today.

Does being surrounded by girls do me any good in learning how to be a gentleman?

We climbed

I finally got out for some exercise! Figured I could use some lest I continued to grow horizontally.

Was going to do it with a few friends but due to some errors in communication, or people waking up early, two guys showed up by 8 o'clock this morning. My friend and I waited for about half an hour in his car before deciding to go ahead with the mountain climb without waiting for the rest who were coming at 10 o'clock.

After weeks of a rather sedentary lifestyle, it wasn't easy to start exercising again! My heart was pounding and my lungs were tired. There were many times I wanted to give up albeit it was just a simple hike. I tried convincing my buddy to start heading down for breakfast but somehow we didn't give up so easily. Not that it was such a difficult climb, and not that we reached the top. But it wasn't a cup of tea for me. yet.

Long story cut short for your sakes, we made it to a certain altitude before going for breakfast and I am glad we went for that climb before filling our stomachs. Also glad that we went alone as we would have slowed the team down if we climbed with the other friends. Breakfast was great. The catching up was delightful. I am happy with our morning this day.

When one runs, he or she runs far; when two or three run, they run far. How true!

Who Paid the Penalty

The God responsible for Law

is the same God who paid the Penalty;

He who knew no sin Himself

died a convict- that we are.

The hands that formed the heavens

were the hands that gave us bread;

He breathed life into Adam

but lost His on a tree.

He knows the rotten human Sin,

yet never fails to forgive;

So long as we confess to Him-

our Saviour and our King.

© Joel Yap

Communion

Doesn't the word sound a little holier when compared to "fellowship"?


It has been a few good weeks getting together with loved ones from my hometown, in my hometown, where I am certainly happy to be in. Updating each other on our lives was a great thing to do. Exchanging stories, sharing laughter, sometimes I gladly invite myself to pay for their drinks; sometimes I allow them to pay even more gladly. The fellowship was enjoyable and I wished those days and nights would never end.

Now, here am I in this foreign land, again. Communion is simply not what one would feel comfortable having. Well, at least for me. Every one lives in their respective compartments. You don't cross mine, I won't disturb you. And we each play our part in keeping this society functioning. Privacy is sacred. You wish to be more personal? Get a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Period.
This doesn't apply to everybody though. Okay, maybe I am being a bit too pessimistic and exaggerating.
My point is, one may feel comfortable in just keeping to oneself in a materialistic society that values efficiency.

Fellowship is not an easy task to perform.

Nevertheless I am grateful to have had the opportunity to meet up with friends from back home, in this city. Keeping in touch is so important! We had a good time. And I hope this would continue.

Communion should not be limited to just people you are comfortable to be around with. Thus the difficulty.
But why share when you don't like to? It is contradicting and seems stupid, right?
What else can you do? If you never step out of your comfort zone, your communion table is bound to become smaller and smaller. Sooner or later you'll only have one more seat left- for yourself; because truth be told, not to sound as it I am in old age already, people die. If you do not open up for more to join the table, you'll be left alone by yourself.

However, fellowship is such an intimate word to be used when you're unfamiliar to the people in your surroundings. Well, you'll never get to be around all your favourite people forever, will you? No matter how nice your friends are, there will surely have two or three persons nearby whom you wish never existed in this world. At least one.
The truth is, most of the time you cannot get rid of these people, unfortunately. Therefore your options are:

1. Murder them
2. Flee into exile
3. Accept, and fellowship

Meeting new friends is not something I enjoy doing. But I'm trying.

Where is Pandai?

The Kitten that I rescued last month is out of my house but still on my mind. For the past few mornings, whenever I visit the market or go to the grocery stores nearby, I never failed to keep a lookout for cats in the neighbourhood.

Alas I never succeeded in finding the right cat. In other words, I've never seen Pandai since the time I had to let it go.

I miss Pandai. Can't believe I actually grew attached to a four-legged animal with white fur. Anyway I still pray that the cat is safe and in good hands.

Foto Friday

Until I see you face to face,

I don't know what to feel. 

If I saw you face to face,

I wouldn't know what to say.

Help. I'm in great pain!

Nausea

Academic writing makes me nauseated. You cannot write as you please. There are rules and guidelines to adhere to. And what's worse? You need to write because you do not wish to play a fool when it comes to your GPA.

Nauseated. Wondering how can you finish it and pass with flying colours. Actually, I think I am done. Wrote the conclusion of my paper last night. But the story doesn't end there.


What's even worse? Referencing.

Vomiting now.

Goodbye to Kitty

The kitten I rescued that followed me home two nights ago had to leave lest she starve to death as my house mates and I are returning to our respective homes for Chinese New Year. No one will be in for at least four days. No choice but to say goodbye to the little cat. By the way, I named her Pandai.

I never felt more like a new father before; throughout Pandai's stay with me I bathed her twice, fed her more than twice and constantly thought about her. Not sure how to put this in appropriate words but I guess Pandai enjoys my company. She likes to rub her fur on me from time to time, this scares me when I'm unaware of her doing it. She seems to like playing with me too. The lazy afternoon we spent together yesterday was one of my most satisfying activity of the week. However, like any father-child relationship, there were times that called for some disciplining for Pandai's own good; like whenever she starts to scratch the furniture or jump on my books.

Sigh, our meals. I eat out or buy takeaways. For the past two days I never failed to buy some extra fish for Pandai. By the way, not stuff that I would usually pay to eat. And I tend to feel upset when she doesn't eat her food. So this is how parents feel when their children refuse to eat or play with their food, huh? Nevertheless Pandai will always finish her food at her own time.

Lastly, I am most appreciative of Pandai's kindness in excreting her wastes as I hoped, in a place I provided. Took some sand and placed it in the kitchen. She did it! In the sand! That saved me a lot of washing.

Well, it is time to say goodbye to Pandai. I regret not having the time and capacity to look after a cat. And I pray that Pandai will be safe and taken care of. Goodbye.

I Lost Count - Joel Yap

I lost count

how long ago your last ‘hi’,

still unable to accept

the way you said ‘goodbye’.

What I feel, after so long-

does anyone care?

I lost count

of the days we had;

time has a way, of wiping away

cheerful memories better than the sad.

I lost count

how many tear drops fell,

as the silent nights went by.

You face in my dreams, vivid,

that smile- ever so warm;

thus my heart- always this cold.

I refuse to count

the days I must go on

sitting in between memory lanes

confused: where I am;

and where to go!

© Joel Yap

Kitten from the Drain

One fine evening, Joel decided to go jogging. Actually it was just last night lah. He ran by the main road and train tracks. To think of it now, he shouldn't have done so, inhaled so much carbon monoxide! No wonder he got breathless so easily.

After about 3 or 4 kilometres, he heard some crying nearby. No, it was not The Witch from Left4Dead/Left4Dead2. Well at least Joel thought he heard a cry. But it was the sound of a cat trapped along the drain. Shoot! For a moment he thought he would be famous for saving a baby's life. Anyway Joel couldn't bear to simply ignore his conscience and continue running. He looked down, the kitten was there meowing; he moved to the left, it followed; he moved to the right, it followed too. Ah, what was he to do? Upon much contemplation whilst the kitten continued to cry for help, Joel climbed down the deep and large drain in attempt to rescue the poor thing. That drain- deep enough to hide Joel's shoulders when he set foot at the bottom of it; wide enough for one to cycle without knocking into either sides of the walls if careful.

Surely Joel must have looked stupid to the drivers and passengers of the oncoming cars on that busy road. Mind you, he was in Singapore. Land surface area so small but cars so many! Digress. Joel brought the kitten out of the drain and found difficulty getting himself out instead.

To Joel's surprise, the animal literally followed him back to where he lived! Remember 3 or 4 kilometres? They went all the way back on foot and on paw. The Good Samaritan, with the help of his kind and helpful house mates managed to give the kitten a bath and some food to eat. And it stayed with them for the night.

Phew! Never felt so good about writing about myself.