Final Foto Friday of 2010

Wishing everyone a good year ahead!

Have a meaningful and purposeful year

and remember to count your blessings!

Believe that 2011 is going to be better than 2010...

Your life is going be be better

Your family is going to be closer

Malaysia is going to be a nicer place

Gears for photography

Am very happy to own Sigma 18-200mm and Nikkor 50mm lenses to go with the Nikon D90 body I have.

50mm is supposed to view and capture the same range as what your naked eye sees. And it is particularly good for portraits and low-light situations. However D90 is a DX format camera with a crop factor. You can go ahead and learn what is a crop factor elsewhere. In my own words, everything you get from a DX camera is 1.5 times zoomed in when compared to FX. So 50mm is no longer what your eyes see but narrower.

Therefore, the next on my list of photography gears to get is a 35mm lens!
Actually I want an external flash unit pretty much too. Struggling to decide which to get first if ever I manage to save up sufficient cash.

Can't be bothered about a camera bag or tripod yet.

Money no enough!

Hope photography is a worthy interest to invest in.

Inferior

It was Christmas, there were events.
I am thankful to be blessed with a Nikon D90.
So I was at some events to take photos.

Besides me and my camera, there were also others who were better at photography and many of them held better cameras.
Looking at their photographs made available online, I looked through and saw the way they controlled their cameras and captured good angles. The colours, exposures, etc, quite nicely balanced.

As for me, I was most of the time feeling helpless holding the D90 in my hands that always tend to shake each time I took a shot. Editing became even more depressing when I realised so many pictures were just junk. Nearly half of what my memory card contained were blurred shots.

Am trying to learn from other photographers.

My first stethoscope

Merry Christmas!

In the overwhelming of activities and events, I am putting in effort to personally remember the meaning of Christmas. Jesus, Phil 2:6 Who, being in very nature God,did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, Phil 2:7 but made himself nothing,taking the very nature of a servant,being made in human likeness came down to Earth and suffered so that all who calls upon His name shall be saved.

Yup, I don't give a damn about Santa Claus, snowmen and those silly Christmas songs.

In spite of the fun in big events and the blessings they can bring to the town, I still like to enjoy simple celebrations. Staying home in the morning. Mom and dad bought me a stethoscope! Hahaha!

Everyone have a happy Christmas!

Going out

It has been almost a week now since coming home from Singapore for this short break. As I begin to look back and reflect I realise that there was not even one night that I spent quietly at home. Meaning I was always out at night and came home late each time.

Sorry it sounds a little surprising to me! Never noticed I was always out at night until today. I just had to say yes to every supper gathering among various groups of friends because od my fear of no longer having such convenience to meet up like this in the years to come. So every night I was driving out late and driving home later. It feels so good to drive at such hours for where I come from it is quite peaceful on the roads late at night.

However family must never be forgotten. I feel sorry for always being away and bringing much worry to my parents who might probably find difficulty in sleeping since their boy is always out so late.
It's dad's off-day today, I promise to stay home once I come back from another breakfast appointment in half an hour's time.

Foto Friday

It feels good to be behind the wheels again

Control is power

With great power comes great responsibility

Amazing Grace

Amazing grace
how sweet the sound
that saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost
but now am found
was blind but now I see.

One of the most beautiful verses ever written. I wonder how did John Newton felt when he repented and joined in the effort to abolish slavery after being set free himself. I just wonder how great it is to experience such tremendous change in life. Not forgetting the amount of guilt he probably had to face as memories of tortures and deaths of numerous innocent lives haunted him. (I would be haunted) But he is saved by faith nonetheless.

Now as I am exposed to the introduction to Sociology and am learning to look at things through the various sociological perspectives with different theories in mind, the history behind the Abolition of slave trade becomes even more meaningful to me. Same goes for the hymn, Amazing Grace.

Foto Friday

Light

and her various wavelengths

Philippians 4: 6,7

Phil 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Phil 4:7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

---------------------------------

Need not worry too much about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself, but I still can't help but to fear what may come or not come in the future. And it's more often than not, all about me, myself and I. Will this happen to me? Will I get these and those? When can I become that? We often focus on achieving and obtaining good stuff despite knowing that all earthly possessions do not last. Thus may I make a little conclusion that the truth has not fully set us free if we still chase after wind?

I experienced some form of revelation recently, it might be from God or it might be from my Id. Okay, I know it's from God somehow. And just cannot wait to see how will things go from here though surely not at this moment.

In everything present your requests to God with thanksgiving? Ask and give thanks in advance if what you asked for is in accordance to His will. I presented my petition and am doing the very best not to be anxious but patient. Also bearing in mind that I have the capabilities and potential to mess His plans up, got to be obedient cautious.

Philippians 4: 6,7

Phil 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Phil 4:7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

5 months ago, I applied for a scholarship to aid in my daily expenses whilst pursuing my course of choice- Diploma in Nursing. 4 months ago, the application was successful. Read this and other July blog entries to find out more.

I opted for the same diploma course and the hospital sponsorships here a year ago. Many sleepless nights were caused by the constant worrying regarding finances and stuff. And in the end I did not have the guts to take the risk of not being awarded a scholarship.

Having gone through a year of regret and rebellion, I decided to apply for a place in the same college again, being more fervent this time round. And praise God for the opened doors of various places and hearts, I got enrolled into this nursing course. There were still uncertainties concerning my scholarship, prayers were constantly made. However this time I remember not worrying, there was peace. Peace, knowing that things will all fall into place once we take that first leap of faith in accordance to God's will.

Once again, many thanks to all who made this possible. You and I know who you people are! I love you all!

Joel Yap

As an activity to relief some stress and boredom, I tried out the power of Adobe Photoshop this evening since I skipped dinner.

Joel, that's my name.
I still remember my teacher's words years back in secondary school, repeated over and over again that names were the first gifts from our parents. Therefore we ought to be proud of our names.

"Hello, do you think your parents, during the 10 months of pregnancy, just anyhow picked a name for you?"
said Mr. Ng, vice principal, to a bunch of rebellious students who didn't wear name tags.

And I shall never forget his words.

Goodies still enough

The snacks I brought from home last week are still surviving. Half gone though, but you can say I still have half, to be more optimistic.

So tempted to go home again today. Classes have ended for this week as of 11AM today. I want to go home! Well, shouldn't lah.... Otherwise never learn, never grow up.
Lots of revision to do, by the way.
Gonna be in trouble coping with studies soon if I don't do something about the slacking, soon.

Running out of snacks very soon, I need to learn to eat wisely.

All who are taking major examinations soon, wishing you all nothing but the best! Study and pray, don't forget to sleep and rest.

Daily goodies from home

Well, what do you know! My weekend at Kluang was a blast, a good one. Not that all the previous weekends were bad, but this one was rather good.

Though many circumstances were not as appealing as I wanted them to be, I was happy.

1. The water got cut, in Johore or at least Kluang, water supply will only be available on alternate days for many households. This is due to some problem with the reservoirs, I've heard many versions of the problem and have totally no idea which is true. Anyway it doesn't really matter as it doesn't change the situation in those many households affected anyhow. Clean water is important. What matters is that the problem be solved by December.
2. I'd have more time at home if I were to go back this weekend because class ends an hour earlier this Friday and starts an hour later next Monday, meaning there is an estimated 2 more hours for me to enjoy Kluang air(air in English, not in Malay which means water) and food.

This trip back, like most previous trips, and will be like many trips in future, mommy prepared some food for me to bring along to Singapore, again.

She bought some biscuits beforehand. I would love to believe that these were purchased specially for me although there is no problem at all if they just happened to be lying around at home and no one ate them. 3 packets of chocolate flavoured biscuits and 2 packets of chewing gum containing 3 sticks each. Oh well, a few grams of broken law. Surely it's no big deal as long as I chew and dispose responsibly.

Miss home already! Considering going back again this Friday.

A nicer bed

Midnight, I now am starting to feel the unwillingness to leave this town again. It happens all the time.
Spent this weekend in Kluang, happy to have met up and caught up with some friends though there still were a few whom I wish to see but did not.

Nevertheless this weekend in Kluang was special.


Midnight, I now am about to go to sleep. Taking a 5.30AM bus to Singapore tomorrow.
Looking at my bed, I remember the one in Bishan.
My own bed at home here is my own. It's a metal frame with some wood below a mattress. The one in Singapore is better, but this one here is nicer!

Money can't buy comfort.

Midnight, I now look at the time and count my hours left.

Bed news (continued)

As I have blogged last week, the bed wanted to break up with me. Maybe I had not been spending as much time with it as compared to the first few months in Singapore. Or maybe it was jealous because I was studying Anatomy and Physiology instead of letting it put me to sleep that night. One more possible cause: It might have been so sick of wearing the same sheet for months!

Nevertheless I managed to patch things up. Gave it a new piece of wood that burnt a big hole in my pocket.

So the carpenters came today to fix my bed. At first I was so glad that the landlady wasn't home, but then she came back while all the drilling and hammering was going on. I was like... BUSTED!
Fortunate to have received no scolding.

Anyways the guys did a good job, I requested for extra legs to the bed frame, in the middle where it is physically most fragile.


As you all can see, I am short of one pillow case when the old ones are put to wash. Any  donations?

Bad things

I cannot help but to now wonder: why do bad things meet good men?

A Christian- church-going, speaks no vulgarities, gives tithes and more, thankful and takes nothing much for granted except for prayers to be heard. I see no problem with myself falling into the category above. Or is this my self-righteousness speaking? I do not want to tell you of the good things I had done though my Flesh wishes to, neither am I so proud to declare, actually how far am I fallen short of His glory. But I can tell you this, I am found again and His presence is near. Or am I, in contrast, drifting away again? Perhaps He is getting me to pray more now.

Having said all that, I now struggle hard in abstinence towards complaining. Why are misfortunes befalling on me?! Broken watch, now broken bed. And there were(are) countless things which I valued so so much and still streasure, broken.
Sometimes I still go to bed in tears, "God, why don't you break me too?" and I would, in insomnia, pour out; knowing that God doesn't sleep anyway.

Taking the focus off myself is one method to stop self-sympathizing. There are many good people out there who meet with bad times far worse than mine. I think of friends who are in trouble in their respective ways, for doing what they believe in. Then I began to remember the good people in history, who fought injustice, did good work but faced strong opposition; When my eyes look into the mirror again, I no longer see myself going through bad times.

In a nutshell, good people are bound to suffer here on Earth(not proclaiming myself good, okay?) while the unrighteous rule. Prosperity is neither the property of the good nor the not-so-good people. Prosperity on Earth means nothing anyway.

Bed news

Accidents happen, but for the accident I met tonight, I wish I were at my own home.

You can count on this: I did not jump on the bed before.

Was just doing my stuff, and the bed gave me an unpleasant surprise. Sigh, it's ok. Hoping the broken piece can be replaced.

The photograph says it all, midpoints are often, if not, always most fragile. Physics now slaps me in the face.
Expenses expected to increase this month.

Foto Friday

Stuff to keep me company

Gonna spend my weekend in Singapore 

for the first time as of Semester 2

Give Back

Will anybody comprehend

how have you been good to me

how much you have blessed me with

certainly I cannot understand

why your love for me

and how you do it

Please keep me from forgetting

never allow I to be nine with leprosy

I owe you four months of rain

now accept my little pail

for of all that you give me

a tenth I will give to you

© Joel Yap

Yes!

Today I feel good because I did something. It feels really good!

You do not need to know what I did, but everyone needs to know the importance of keeping promises. Your word represents yourself, and you need to keep your word in order that people can find you trustworthy. So do not make promises you cannot or are not ready to keep.

I did something that made me really happy and I just need to shout it out.
Appreciating the privilege and ability to give, embraced the opportunity to keep a promise.

iPod (no) Touch

If you were to own an iPod Touch, you basically have your music, emails, Facebook, Twitter, various games and apps literally at your finger tips. But if the touch screen function is disabled, you have nothing!

I have nothing! What's the use of an iPod Touch when it doesn't respond to your touching?

Technologies cannot be trusted. Haha! No matter how fascinating something appears to be, you just need a backup plan. Anything can go wrong.

Having read about faults in other Apple products besides experiencing it on a personal level, I have come to a little conclusion that, at the moment, only the Macbooks are good. Thus I shall give up on Apple for now.

iAm not the way, the truth and the life.

Be careful what you ask

We are always in need, we are always in want. But be careful what you ask for because you never know when you'll get it.

Around two years ago I was in National Service, wanted to get out so badly that I went round looking for mosquitoes to bite me just so that I could get dengue fever. "Dear God, will You please send an Aedes mosquito from heaven to rescue me," I prayed.

Lo and behold that prayer was answered this week. Having a fever for about half a week and my blood test reports positive for dengue fever.
Of all times, why now?
Semester 2 begins on Monday and I am down with dengue fever now?

Should have 'cancelled' that prayer after National Service ended.
Or maybe it is by fate that I took a look at a glimpse of how efficient our government's healthcare service is. By the way I do not require hospitalisation but need to report for blood test daily. Today was the first time I went to a government clinic and I walked out of it in frustration. They thought they were playing soccer, refering me from counter to counter back and fourth! Not going there anymore.

Government services are supposed to benefit the public, period.

Light writing?

Saw this tutorial video long before I got my Nikon D90, so "light writing" was one of the first things I attempted once I got the chance. It worked, looking forward to do it better.

Also looking forward to do more!

Call of Duty

I don't play the entitled video game though I know it is quite good, with excellent graphics and sound.

Have just been thinking about the word "duty".
Every person in this world, I believe, was created with a plan to fulfill. Each and everyone of us have a calling, a purpose to serve.

A long term/ big picture calling that requires many steps of faith is what many are interested in in their lives and they go about searching for it. I have at this point of time taken my first step in answering mine in the mission of healthcare. Not absolutely sure that I should be doing what I intend to do in the near future, forever. I shall do it with gladness and perseverance nonetheless.

Besides that "great" calling, there are also stuff that all should generally do. Simple things like taking care of whatever we have? After all we don't really own what we own, rite?
Right now my purpose in holiday life is to rest well and prepare for the coming semester. Besides that, I find it necessary to commit to family. You know, being home where your friends are is nice. You miss them, they miss you, most of us are free to drive around and hang out together. I'm warning myself not to neglect my family. It's not a very easy thing to do though.
Today I sent mommy to work and picked her up for lunch, then picked sister from school and brought her to lunch on the way home. In doing these I find a sense of satisfaction, serving my family as well as being a responsible steward of a car. And if, just if, I can, I might prepare dinner before mom and dad come home.

Not attempting to boast here, but I just need to write these down so as to have a reference or reminder when I start to fail in being a dutiful son and brother.

A man must take care of his family. I do not have an income yet, but there are many ways to contribute to the family.

Counting On Your Name | worshipcentral

Worship Central, monthly, shares a new song with provided lyrics and chords, by various artistes. Few of my favourites were among the songs too. And their new song for this month is Counting On Your Name by Tim Hughes.

(verse 2)

My life is built nothing less

Than Your faithfulness

Your faithfulness

Counting on Christ and Christ alone

I’m hoping in You

Hoping in You

I find this song very well-written, with good and simple lyrics, started to like it by the time I first listened!
The piano parts during the bridge is what I like most about this song, very nice!! Tim Hughes writes good songs.

Last Words of David

I want to see the light of morning

sunrise bursting forth in a clear and cloudless sky

light that brings refreshing rain

shower blessings and life

But thorns may be around

one must be armed to chop them down

Light can call forth fire

consume the torns forever

The Spirit of the Lord

spoke through David son of Jesse

A ruler of righteousness

rules in the fear of God

Please let me see sunrise bursting forth

and rain falling down

in the land I hate

but grown to love

my Malaysia

© Joel Yap

Foto Friday

There was a power break down. 

Namewee made a video; 

I played with my camera.

First time trying long exposures 

shutter speed set to 20 seconds

After a Year

The Earth was here

when your first step

In darkness

I only rejection met

my world stood still

as my life in chaos

Earth completed her course

in our loudest silence

the Sun now as far

its moon now as dark

You were gone

gravities brought you back

I went lost

on a journey still progress

without you guidance

only wood pieces after shipwreck

thank God I found

by lighthouses ready built

Now many things have changed

will I end bitterness harbourage?

will you start showing mercy?

allow my forgiveness?

I went wrong

please let me make right

give me a chance

to forget your promises

Now your leave is here

again

When will you ever face me?

I might cry and wonder

another year

© Joel Yap

Foto Friday

Equipment, material things

how meaningless

if not used for greater callings

Through Your Eyes

I see a friend

one whom people liked

so promising, and without pride

Sigh! gone dim-

the brightest lights

Even angels fall

what more sheep go lost

I bore the sight and I cried

as I saw me through your eyes

A glimpse of your sadness

when you looked at my madness

So this is how pain feels

when you cared for me back then

Thank you for loving me

my family and friend

© Joel Yap

Semester 1 over

Just took my final paper today, which marks the end of my very first semester in the School of Health Sciences, Nanyang Polytechnic.

Just like that, 16 weeks of classes and 3 weeks of hospital attachment has ended. Just like that, I am one more step closer to becoming a nurse. My memory of the first step is still so vivid, the step that was so difficult to take, followed by various consecutive steps. So many changes, so much change. So many ups and downs along the way.

During this first semester I've seen wonders and miracles on a personal level. Experienced providence and blessing, not forgetting fulfilled promises. Also reminded that, unfortunately, not all promises are fulfilled all the time.

My eyes were opened to a glimpse of the world. I see the things that make it so ugly: Materialism, Conditional Love, Racism, Sexism, Ungratefulness and more. I see hurting people in need of love and understanding. I see them wandering in this fallen world, searching for temporary relieves. Alas, I see loneliness in myself also. Thus am reminded that no man is an island.

The feasibility of this journey depended on faith for financial providence. And faith paid off for my fees and bills. I really thank all who helped in their own ways to open this door for me. Not going to mention names here but will not forget any of them.

Time to take a rest, enjoy my holiday and get prepared for Semester 2!

Foto Friday

You were right: 

you can not always by my side 

I find pain in letting go 

but this time must come 

since you long gone 

now I lay you down 

keep the memories

Hard to live

Just saw a tweet from a friend of mine a few seconds ago, she's a fellow hometown mate who came to Singapore to study a year before me. In her tweet she said that it is so hard to live nowadays, living cost is so high! Hahaha, I immediately related to that.

City life, I hate it.
You pay so much for food, transport, lodging and basically everything else. Adding to that, the currency exchange rate isn't helping either. Students living abroad really ought to take time to understand and appreciate what their parents go through in order to let them study.

An economical meal out here costs around 3 to 5 dollars? A bus ride or train ride for everage a dollar or sometimes less, usually more. I don't even want to mention rental.
It's crazy, despite being stingy on meals and all, I look at my expenses and dare not even multiply it to Malaysian Ringgit. Haha...

In an economically growing society with advancement and upgrading all around, there are bound to have some people left behind. I see them on TV, out on the streets, and I see some in the hospital. Pity those folks who need to struggle so hard to survive in such an urbanised city that was once a much more greener peaceful land.

I wonder if the apostle Paul knew about insurances when he said "to die is gain".

Inflation and increment of cost of living, happening everywhere! Why must money be so important to everyone? =(

Anyway no matter how hard I find to accept this, living is supposed to be tough here on Earth with no regards to cost in terms of finance. Life here is just a test. Pass and you'll live happily forever.
Really hope to finish this race well.

I'm Single!

I was attached to the Hokkien guy, now I'm no longer attached.

Today marks the end of my first 3-week clinical posting at Tan Tock Seng Hospital. Oh what an experience it has been, an unforgetable one I reckon.
It wasn't easy yet it wasn't dreadful despite the torturing early mornings.
Haha, waking up before 6 again isn't that enjoyable okay? So I prefer starting work in the afternoons though each shift has its own sweet and sour.

During these three weeks I got along pretty well with a few patients and I appreciate their friendship as I treasured the opportunities for me to care for them practically. However many of these patients have left the ward, now I have left the ward as well, am actually starting to miss them. These people out of nowhere whom I met lying in my cubicle.
Have to remember that I was at the hospital for attachment, not to be attached to its patients. Remember the purpose of a patient's admission is to be fit for discharge.

Taking care of my patients was a learning process by itself, not just application of knowledge gained in college. The people in the ward taught me humility, service, sensitivity, communication and more.
Talk about communication!
I was never so proud of speaking in Malay.
Never so regretful of not speaking fluent Hokkien.

Anyway, time to rest, then time to work again. Work at studying for the upcoming examination. But focus a bit more on rest. Hahaha!
Now for the near future I need not live by multiple alarms. Getting ready for semestral examinations prior to HOLIDAY! Can't wait for the holiday...


By the way, the best thing about being a student nurse is to be called "dear" or "sayang" by the staff; the worst thing for me is to be addressed as "missy" by some patients!

Awww... don't cry

Today is the birthday of one of the patients whom I was assigned to. This man is a big guy who needed help even to move about on the bed, now he is able to sit up on his own with close supervision.

Interesting man who is really quite cute, my fellow student nurse and I got along with him pretty well although it can be troublesome to take care of him sometimes.
Today is his birthday, I bought him kopi-O during my lunch break because the coffee in the ward tastes terrible according to the big guy.

About a couple of hours after lunch, a few nurses brought him a cake. That's where I, for the first time saw such a big man cried.

Oh!

Gave now received

Last Friday I took some cash out of my wallet to get Uncle L, one of the patients in the cubicle I was assigned to. Uncle L is under palliative medicine, that means he would probably never be fully well. Yet he is still a cheerful happy old man. And since learning of what palliative care means, I somehow started to see Uncle L with a different attitude and feeling I do not know how to put into words. You could say I started to love him.

Yayaya, anyway I just bought a simple snack for him because he is so encouraging, always smiling and saying "thank you" to all the staff. His smile brightens my day, hehe..

Lo and behold, his wife gave me some food this afternoon when she came to see Mr. L. A bit touched, quite surprised. However the satisfaction was the smile on their faces.


Appreciate the snacks they gave me today, but a bit scared of getting some infection or whatever, honestly. Haha...
Hmmmmm... Eat lah! hehe..

Gave, now received,

I did not give to receive,

this is not prosperity gospel.

If You Knew Me

If you knew me
thanks for your acceptance
If you knew me
truly
leaving was natural 

If you have raised me
you did a good job
the rest was my fault
If I have blamed you
great sin I have done

If I have loved you
have you loved me back?
If I expected not hoped
then I have not loved

If I crossed boundaries
sorry for the ignorance
But if I wanted to make love with you
let every bone in my body break
at the sound of my heart of glass broke
before turning into stone

If you gave me too much grace
my actions were a disgrace

If there were another second chance
I would go through the darkness
quiet and sensibly

If you showed me another friendship
I shall be wealthier than ever

© Joel yap

Yingevarikiri?

This evening there was an elderly Indian lady whom only spoke in Tamil, who was complaining and appeared to be suffering. The only nurses in the cubicle were two miserable fellow student nurses who were from China. The girls were helpless and I saw them running around searching for a translator. Was amused enough to become a busybody since I had nothing much on my hands, so I audaciously told the students I could understand a bit of Tamil.

"Yingevarikini?", I asked the frail lady who was in great pain. Then I couldn't understand a thing the moment she replied, Malay didn't work so in the end we got hold of an Indian clerk to help with the translation. Hahaha...

There's an Indian patient in my cubicle now who is willing to teach me simple Tamil! Hope I learn fast.

I'm Attached!(2)

Having gone through TTSH's hospital orientation on Tuesday and ward orientation yesterday, today we start "working" in our various wards. It was a very good effort by the hospital to orientate its first-year student nurses. Although I had been orientated, it is today that I felt even more integrated to the ward.

Why?

During the first few hours of the shift, I felt like a walking pillar, thus making me become more a part of the ward. First day of work, very unclear about what to do and how to do things. Thank God for a few kind nurses in the ward who were willing to let me tag along while they did their stuff.
Wanna learn more, and hopefully I'll look less like a pillar as soon as possible...

The journey goes on... I'll be on attachment for 3 weeks!

As for today, what can be more meaningful than to spend your birthday doing stuff in line with your calling and passion?

I'm Attached!

Yes indeed I am, for the first time! Fast, huh?
I am attached to Tan Tock Seng Hospital for my first clinical posting!


Still single, not sure what you were thinking...


Today's the first day, the hospital was very kind to give us an orientation rather than throwing all the students into wards for work. Was so worried about being late today actually, as I got stuck in a traffic jam last night on the way to Singapore, dead beat when I reached here. Thank God for mercy that I made it.
Rushed out as soon as I gathered enough determinancy to get out of bed.

Anyway I had a good time at the hospital, found out that the ward that I am about to be "working" in for the next 3 weeks is not air-conditioned. Quite happy about it as working under lower temperatures for 8 hours a day is no joke; but on the other hand I am afraid of sweating too much. Hope all goes well.
 The programme today came to an end at around 4(few minutes earlier actually) and I left with anticipation of what tomorrow holds.

Today's weather was hot hot hot, wonder if the clouds in the sky went on study break like the rest of the students in Singaporean Polytechnics now.
I made use of the Sun, hand-washed my uniform and some other clothes.
In the evening something historical happened! A miracle, an unexpected event! For since a long time, a long long time, I'm talking about an "at least 3 years or more" kind of long time, today I, Joel Yap used a clothes iron.
I ironed my student nurse uniform for the first time, because it is my first student nurse uniform, of course it had to be my first time! But hey, for the first time in so many years I finally touched an iron!

Glad to be "attached"!
Wanna do well in this clinical posting and the subsequent semestral examination, so I may truly enjoy my holiday thereupon. People who work hard earn their rest.

Can't wait for holidays!

Foto Friday

Awaiting for hospital attachment 

my very first 

First year, first semester 

I hope this passion 

can bring me far 

much further than 

these shoes would

It's a Sunday night

Nothing beats getting up from a good quality evening nap. Got up by 8PM after some very nice dreaming!

Didn't care much about what to eat because I had quite a lot left from this afternoon's welcome lunch at St. John's-St. Margaret's. Speaking of that, it was so nice of the church to have held the welcome lunch and the little introduction to the church and stuff, even had a tour around the premises. Nice place of worship!

Went down to get some bread for the week. This will be the final week of classes at the college for Semester 1 of Year 1! Amazing how time flies...
But it doesn't mean the semester ends so soon. After this week, hospital attachment awaits and welcome me for a period of 3 weeks. 2 more weeks of examination following before the semester comes to a break. Can't wait for the break!

It's a Sunday night...
Great to have snacks for dinner.

It's a Sunday night...
Feel the warmth of chatting with mommy via Skype!

It's a Sunday night...
So nice to be chatting with other random loved ones!

It's a Sunday night...
It sucked to think about Monday mornings, but this time it feels different. I'm excited to head back home the coming weekend, can already smell Kluang but also feeling stressed about the traffic jam.

It's a Sunday night...
And I'm worrying about traffic jam on Friday evening, National Day for Singapore next Monday so there will likely be a heavy jam on the road as there are many others travelling too.

Anyway it's a Sunday night and I'm enjoying it whilst getting excited and ready for the rest of the week.

makan...

Just came back from the first night of Festival of Praise 2010 at the Singapore Indoor Stadium. Planetshakers and Don Moen were there to lead the songs.

It was a great time watching how the band play and all. Good loud music!
And it was such a pleasure to be able to see Don Moen live on stage though he played a piano by himself without a band. I've sung many of his songs since the age at which I hadn't understood what I was singing. Yes, I grew up singing Don Moen's songs in church many times not knowing they were actually written by him.

Anyway, it was nice.

Why the title? Makan is in the Malay language meaning eat.
Both before and after the event this evening, I was eating.
The significance of my meals today is that I did not eat alone! Feels so good to dine together with friends. Now I start thinking, how sad are people who plenty to eat but no one to share with; it is also not good that one should have little to eat buy many to feed. So I see an apparent solution found from the Book of Luke chapter 3 verse 11, to eradicate such contrasting phenomena: “The man with two tunics should share with him who has none, and the one who has food should do the same”, says John the Baptist.

It sucks eating alone, although you may spend less as you only have your own mouth to feed. I am very happy to have friends to share food with!! Appreciate the time and company for makan...
Few is better than none. =)

Asked and Given

When I was younger I was taught "ask and it shall be given to you; seek and you shall find; knock and the door will be opened for you", till now what I was taught still applies. The Children's Bible Club didn't lie to its children.

How good indeed, is a promise, it is good when the promiser keeps his or her promise; however there may be devastating effects on a promisee if the promises were empty. I am blessed to be found in the earlier now.

I remember vividly, a year ago praying for a bursary for my studies. Financial assistance was and is a must as the living cost in Singapore is so high. I remember many tears in those prayers. I remember unfortunately having no guts to pursue this dream as it was a bet. And my life went wrong, turned upside down as a result of lack of faith.

Then a second chance came, I prayed the same prayer again- asking for a bursary. Lo and behold I am now awarded one. In fact, there was not much feelings of surprise when I learnt of having gotten it. In my heart I knew I would be provided for, one way or another. God chose to answer yes to my prayer, and I am more grateful than shocked. Grateful also for all the good things in my life, especially people. It is just amazing how this life is although it sometimes(many times) sucks.

I asked for bursary, it has been given unto me.
Thankful, am I. Now to learn how to be a good steward of it.

Foto Friday

Check out my dinner table

one day 

when I decided

to be stingy

Expiry dates!

Why must this natural world cause things especially food to denature? The food we buy always have a timeline in which we must consume it before it turns bad.
I bought some food in the past two days, began to start thinking to myself in the bus on the way home. "I'd better finish this by when; better eat that up by when...", saying in my heart. Otherwise the food I bought would go to waste unless I am prepared to take the risk by eating stale food.

• The loaf of bread expires on July 24;

• Two cups of yoghurt I bought, each expiring on the 29th.

• Instant noodles? Nah, shouldn't worry too much about that!

• A tin of milk powder, remembered the importance of a good bone density to prepare for old age. Expires in August next year but still not sure if I have the ability to finish it by then.

• Bus concession, though is not a food item, expires by the end of the month too. Should I opt for concession next month too? Going for attachment, not sure if it is still worth taking up bus concession.

Even manna could expire, why should I or anybody complain about expiry dates? Earthly things come and go, I'm learning to live with this phenomenon.

Speaking about expiry dates, I remember once writing something called Expiry Date.

Your Failed Investment

I wonder why

and I wonder how

you could do this

Stepped in like a loving family;

stepped out like passer-by

My life: your failed investment

the withdrawal

ended it

that you nurtured

Like a pearl being crushed

by its own mollusk

Your helping hands

the warmest pair

drew far from me

revealed a cold heart

I, your eyes could no longer see

Then your absence so prevailing

struck me like a whip

able to save me

when I dangled on a cliff

I remember your good words

and my good deeds

spoken and unspoken

and I remember

all done with expectation

of nothing in return

So why must I yell and wail

when you pulled out from your investment?

Broken promises turned daily bread

and past memories fill the atmosphere

Why should I keep this wound opened

and put the blame on you?

When love was given

in unconditional

you do as you wish

as you always have

and I, shall never hate you

for this

© Joel Yap

Too late again

This might be helpful.

Took an 8.30PM bus to Singapore this time. Unfortunately I was curious about where the bus would continue going, beyond Kranji MRT station where most passengers alight. So I stayed in the bus and kept going but soon regretted.

Ended up at some LRT station so I waited for the train to come to bring me to the MRT. Finally got onto the last train to Ang Mo Kio, again! Like the last time I boarded it, there were no bus services to my place already. And I was unwilling to pay a taxi fare, so decided to sleep at McDonald's.

Well, did not sleep afterall as the World Cup 2010 finals was on. Many were there cheering for their favoured teams. It was my first time watching a World Cup match this year, and it was already the finals. Boring game, so many yellow cards were shown.

Went on to hop onto the first bus after the soccer game.
Overslept as a result.

Saving a taxi fare cost me an absence for a lesson today.

Foto Friday

I became more shocked

than when I once was shocked

before

to learn that landlady

prepared dinner for me

Guess we've made peace

hope we can

glad if we have

Small computer

Some thought I got the netbook while going through the Malaysia-Singapore borders! Sorry for bluffing, blessed are the gullible. Hehehe...

The first netbook my fingers touched, a white little Asus. Borrowed from a kind soul who made the offer, whilst giving me lots of help through many ways, when I needed help most.


This machine met my needs when I had not a laptop yet. Though very limited in its functions it allowed me access to the rest of the world. However bad the battery life might have been, the power cable was always long enough to reach a source if there were one. In fact, there was always more than enough when it came to the length of that thin white wire.



Now that I have a HP notebook, now that the owner of the Asus a.k.a. a benefactor of mine is around once again, I returned the machine. And remember the blessing.




Erm.... Netbooks suck, by the way. Only use them for convenience purposes.

Gandhi

Oh now I know, his name is Mohandas K. Gandhi. Mahatma means great soul, what others called him.

I wanted to make better use of my NYP student card, went to the library indecisive of what to borrow. All the shelves and shelves of uncountable books....well, they looked Ok.. Hahaha! Sorry, not for me yet. So I recalled friends borrowing movies to watch, thus made my move to the DVD's.

There were some nice movies there but I didn't know what to watch. While browsing through the stuff there a particular title caught my eye- Gandhi: His triumph changed the world forever.
At that moment I knew I would be taking it home to find out who actually is Mahatma Gandhi. Have heard about him freeing India and so on, but did not really read up about what he had done actually. Next I began to search for documentaries on Mother Teresa in the same section but found none. Never mind, one DVD will do.

Watched the winner of 9 Academy Awards at least twice to date, might watch again before returning it to the library next week.
So inspired to the words Gandhi had spoken. He must have been an excellent writer and leader.

An eye for an eye makes the whole world go blind.

I specially respect Mahatma for his belief in nonviolence, ready to fight and die for a cause but not prepared to kill. Salute!

Better connected

I am now using my very own wireless broadband, registered under my name. Feels good, finally getting connected from my rented room in Bishan. Actually I dropped by Singtel at Junction 8 before getting some groceries, to enquire about mobile broadband plans and stuff. Ended up signing up for one before checking out other service providers. Haha! Not sure whether it was being "spirit led" or purely blur. Gah.... The point is I now have easy access to the internet.

1.5Mbps for one person is a bit more than enough, should have gotten 1Mbps instead. Hahaha! Too late to reggret, already signed a 24-month contract. Even had to give Singtel a deposit worth S$200 for the line.

So anyway, now I have broadband. So what?
Must remember to use it wisely. For example do my learning online instead of wasting incredible amounts of time on the internet. Speaking of which, it is amazing how people(including myself) could be capable of just sitting in front of the computer screen. Not knowing what they(we) have done all day. I find it so scary whenever looking back at one of the seasons of my life, where I was a prisoner of the freedom of internet. So sinful to waste time, haha.


Ok, broadband. Now what?
Gonna install a webcam on the home computer back in Kluang, and teach my family how to use Skype.

Yay!

Feelings, oh Feelings!

They confuse you, they stir your heart and make you go round and round without you having to move physically. They come like a whirlwind and bring you to Bethel or elsewhere depending on where you are inclined to heading. They come in the day and may stay throughout the day. They are there so life would not be dull, but what colour do you want your sky to be in is up to you.

It is nice to be home, home is nice. Home becomes nicer with me in it, hahaha!
Anyway I had a two-week break from classes, so I spent most of it back here where I was born and bred. It feels good to be home! And now I just realised the break was a mid-semester break. Semester-1 of Year-1 ends in Week16, and I had gone through half of it!

Ah, this trip back home is sort of an emotional journey for me too. Lots of feelings were involved, both positive and negative.
The positive ones somehow put some fear and contemplation in me, am going through some stuff that are full of uncertainties which led me to see dilemmas again. Well actually dilemmas are everywhere around us, it is just whether or not we notice or choose to look at them.
There were also a lot of negative feelings that occupied my time here. Various things are happening, I felt levels of hurt that I had not been feeling for months. Also forced to make some painful decisions, decisions that require humility and sacrifice, but fortunately decisions that have potential to free people from a lot of pain. And, again I say there are a lot going on, relating to various persons.


Come to think of it, why do feelings bother us so much? Or actually why do we let them?
Sometimes I see people being controlled by their feelings instead of cognition, those are sad cases in my opinion. However I sometimes catch myself red handed!

Now I am feeling sad and excited as I leave for another eight weeks of school!

Feelings are the tastes to life.  Some of which are pleasant; some otherwise.

Pain gone from the tongue

It is healed! Now I can speak and eat normally, while I appreciate the absence of constant pain in my tongue. Sometimes you suffer and realise the goodness of things that you failed to realise before the suffering. After the ulcer, I appreciate my tongue much more and shall take good care of it.

However my throat seems to be still on strike. It has not really gotten better, yet. Maybe because my eating habits in Kluang has not changed! Roti Canai yesterday, Dim Sum today, what else tomorrow? Hahaha...

Trying to eat less unhealthy stuff and drink more water. In the mean time, sucking Strepsils.
Off for breakfast soon!

Pain in the tongue!

Bit my tongue sometime this week while I was at home. Haha, too much good food that all the eating got me impatient in chewing! Lost quite a bit of blood then, ever since I spent every waking moment in pain.
Unable to eat as fast and as comfortable, is a very torturous thing to happen, especially when good and cheap food is surrounding you.

Now it seems the inflammation has travelled to my throat, it is painful over there too!

Ok, first I can't chew properly; now swallowing is affected also? Argh...
This morning there was blood in my sputum, or was it dark chocolate from last night? Haha!
Anyway, am having a sore throat right now, what a misfortune.

Well, speaking of misfortunes, I consider mine nothing actually. There are so many people out there going through even more difficult times than compared to the pain within my mouth. I remember how it is like to be in the midst of pain and suffering. Nothing is easy when people can neither understand how you feel nor know how to offer you help. At such times it is faith that keeps your world together: Faith in the invisible yet existent forces of unfailing Love, and belief that true friends will always be willing to be by your side though they may not be of practical help.

Pain, something so annoying; something so unavoidable. As pain was designed for the benefit of us, man.

Hospital Sponsorship Offered!!

The one I wanted, the one I wanted from the beginning, since a year ago.
Jesus said, "Ask and you shall receive" and now I say "Praise God from whom all blessings flow" as I stand amazed at the wonders of faith-ful prayers.

I asked for TTSH, SGH came, I gave in and made the first step in accepting the SGH offer. And now I can get TTSH;. Abraham was instructed to sacrifice his only son, and his son was spared when he obeyed the instruction.

The interview at TTSH today was successful, and I am glad the hospital will be offering me a bursary.
Now awaiting the emails, and whatever processes and stuff, as such things need to be black and white.

So much grace, really so much grace, overflowing my cup!

With a thankful heart,
Year-1 Diploma in Nursing student,
yapyapjoel

Hospital Sponsorship offered?

I rejoiced, gave thanks, and struggled. Made a decision to settle for second best since I deserve far less.
But now there is a potential turning point, which I am about to take.

The other hospital that I was more interested in called me up for a sponsorship interview!

Oh how way leads to way, and how they miraculously bring you back where two roads diverged in a yellow wood.

Am so thankful to find myself in the scenes "On the mountain of the Lord it will be provided" where God spared Abraham his son, Isaac after he proved his worth.
So by faith I obeyed and sacrificed, taking the first step of accepting the first sponsorship offer. Lo and behold, the sponsorship I wanted, presented itself.

And now I am scheduled for an interview next Tuesday! Hope it goes well.
By grace, grace that is ever sufficient, I live in contentment.

Hospital Sponsorship offered!

Hospital Sponsorship

What I yearned for and need

To cope with out-of-home living

Much prayer from many

rovidence such as this

Now I, by grace got it

My application to Singapore General Hospital has been successful, but like everything else in this imperfect world, there is grass on the other side of the fence and it looks greener.

Other hospitals also exist in Singapore you know? And there is a particular one which I have also applied to for sponsorship. That hospital is slightly nearer to where I am staying now, and they give a little extra to foreigners. More importantly, I have friends who will be working there. That hospital looks so much nicer and there is where my heart is inclined to. I can continue elaborating on how much greener are those grasses over the fence, but at the end of the day it is directions from the One who provided, provides everything I ought to follow.

As I examined my motives for desiring to go there, I look at myself in the mirror and find reflections of selfishness. I see shame on my face with some conscience left in my eyes. Nursing is what I wanted to do, without greed for wealth in mind, ready to face ridicule and the challenges ahead. However in tonight’s mirror I nearly read, ‘Nursing was what I wanted’ and I nearly wept.


Joel, it is just a sponsorship and God has led you to SGH today though other hospitals might probably take you in. You have never lacked in anything thus far, and you never will, as long as you live not by sight. Now you are given so much, why should you need to want more?

Learn to be grateful, do not argue with grace.

Many incidents in the bible and in life show that doing the right thing is more troublesome, difficult, uncomfortable and inconvenient.

“Why should I settle for less? Why forgo what I want? It’s my my my life!”
Mommy said, “What has been given to you, just take. Learn to be contented.” and I know I should.


A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
I am thankful for the one that landed on my hand.

By the way, nursing is about putting the benefits and well-being of others before self; not the other way round.
Time to make a little U-turn.

Too late

Boarded the 9PM bus from home last night and the air conditioner system broke down, all the passengers were brought to the bus depot for a bus exchange. Oh boy that really wasted a lot of our time! The delay was nearly an hour, and I was mad. Already not in a very good mood and such a thing should occur? Anyway the journey to Singapore became longer last night. Scenes of all that had happened during the weekend kept on playing in my mind, whether to calm or to not, I was(am) not sure.

In the end I reached Singapore around half past midnight, was so lucky to have probably hopped on the last train though its service was terminated a station away from near where I live.

Ang Mo Kio, where I alighted at 12.45AM!

Walked to the bus stop only to find out that the last bus home was half an hour ago. Fortunately, Ang Mo Kio station is where I pass by everyday. In between Nanyang Polytechnic and my rented place in Bishan. So, it was a very long walk if I were to resort to walking, almost 10 bus stops away. There were taxis on the road but I knew it was(is) possible to reach home without paying for one. So, I decided to take the walk as a time to exercise after all the weekend's overeating.

The long long walk.... was torturous! All alone with the moon as a companion, all I felt was the aches due to playing basketball and sweat all over. By the way, was smart enough to change my shoe laces to black after wearing whites ones for the weekend, black so it wouldn't be obvious if there were dirt stains.

And when I was on the verge of giving up and turn to hail for a cab, one stopped by the road side voluntarily. The driver asked where I was heading but I was still double minded about hopping in. Taxi rides aren't cheap as compared to buses and trains, especially during such a time(I think) so I was worried about spending too much money. Anyway in the end I somehow got into the cab.

On the way, the driver and I chatted and he began to know I am new to the city. He also found out about the distance I travelled on foot because there were no more bus services home. And obviously he knew I have(or at least wish to have) tight budgets.
Upon arrival home, he, by grace offered me the ride for free. Showing compassion and hospitality to a foreign student. Can you believe it? Free taxi ride in the middle of the night!

So, I walked half the journey home and made the other half in the comfort on four wheels, courtesy of a kind taxi driver. It was too late for a bus ride but help still came.

I give thanks for the eyes above that watch me in silence,

and am grateful for the hands above that provide abundant grace.

As for my own eyes and hands,

I too, wish to show random kindness.

The old must go

It's hard to let go, quite hard to let go, a bit hard to let go, letting go is a should. What the heck, just let go...

Haha, as I moved out of XP into the new realm of Windows 7, I had been experiencing quite some problems here and there. Just getting used to Windows 7, there were some minor setbacks and irritating malfunctions.
Yesterday the whole screen just stared blank after Windows welcomed me, was so annoyed and felt helpless!

Was it a virus? Was the notebook trying to rebel?



Found out that some software I installed were culprits of the breakdowns and problems.
So how? Cannot use?
But these were software and programmes I liked and was familiar with back when I was using Windows XP.. and they served me well.

Goodbye PC Tools Firewall, hope to see you again.

It is hard to let go, but it makes sense to move on.

Welcome to Windows 7

24 hours

of what?


In the new place where I am currently on the embarkment of a new journey in life called Singapore, 24 hours of my time was spent in a new experience, working. Yes I took up a part-time job because it was simply too boring during the nights! Oh how I hope there will be internet access in my rented room...

Anyway, I now have a part-time job as a waiter in a little restaurant or tea place where Chinese dim sum and desserts are served. The wages aren't very attractive though, flexibility of working hours is priority.

For every new staff, there's this 24-hour thing to go through whereby the pay is much less. It is sort of like a probation period or training so-to-say. Mine was over in two weeks and now I am earning some side pocket money, by hour. The 24 hours was quite fun, getting along with the staff there, most of which are females. Again... Like I don't see enough girls in class everyday.....now working also have to work with girls!
Haha, never mind, lots of boys out there are probably jealous.

Working, serving customers isn't easy no matter how simple the tasks may seem, it really isn't easy. Kudos to those who really have a heart of service!
Serving is humbling, it is good though difficult to be humble. Therefore it is good but difficult to serve.

Your perspective towards the food business change when you look at things from the inside.
Your attitude towards waiters and waitresses changes when you start to become one.
Your eating habits might change after having seen certain things in this business.


Now, I make extra efforts to not make a mess on the table whenever I eat, and feel more irritated(than before) to see food being wasted.

Everybody should try working as a food server at least once in their lifetime.

24 hours of preparation to serve restaurant customers better,

serving them, preparing self to serve the public in the healthcare sector

even better!

Chocolate Beans from Mom

During my time home one fine weekend

sure enough, mom prepared items

for me to take away upon leaving, again

She like a secretary, more than an administrator

always getting things ready

with great initiative

Seated among the toiletries

and groceries

was an odd one out-

a bottle full of

chocolate shaped in beans

From the supermarket

courtesy of mom

probably a pre-incentive for me to study

Anyways she understood my liking towards chocolate

and knew my understanding to need for budget

thus bought the brown drugs for me

Simple chocolate beans,

bring no luxurious enjoyment

but warmth

to a homesick struggler

Love in almond coated with

bittersweet feelings

besides mom’s embedded blessings

I eat one when time is lonely

remembering mommy’s kindness

Take a second when my eyes water

Savour the third before they dry

Bottle in my hand

chocolate in my mouth

tastes of tears among bitter sweetness

A face in my mind

warmth in my heart

satisfaction to my soul

Thanks for the chocolate

© Joel Yap

Foto Friday

Shit!

arouses me

possibly my favourite topic

throughout this week

It is already Week 4

time flies...

Had a great time listening to the lecture

yesterday afternoon

ICA Building

The immigrations office
flooding with the public
I nearly got lost within
the walls of the building


Appointed there by half past three
on the twelveth day of May
year 2010
I went to collect an item
a one and only
which allows three years of dwelling
in the City of Lions


There I passed many people
of most were in waiting
Destined to be on level 4
thus swam through the flooding


And I achieved three floors up
found myself among familiar
people who are unfamiliar
our similarity is our diversity
in nationality
a common ground on which we stand
in a foreign land


These were folks of various
Age, Class, Race, Tongue
rich ethnicity gathered in one floor
generally purpose to stay in Singapore


Families with infants
some with elderly
and some more like me:
single, lone, full of energy
I saw parents coaxing their young
whose restlessness due to long waiting


Three hours of patience
paid off the multiple processed effort
that started weeks ago
I got what I went there for
and hope everyone else did too


Same different people

© Joel Yap